Tricia Scott

New Blog Home

2010-08-02T11:47:00.009-04:00

I've moved.
I would love it if you visited me here.
And if you are linked to me, I would be ever grateful if you updated the link.
Thank you. :)

August Break Day 1- Labyrinth Walking

2010-08-01T22:56:00.005-04:00

Susannah Conway's August Break seems the perfect way to ease back into blogging so I think I will give it my best go. A big thank you to Susannah and to Jeannine and emma tree for linking.
A photo a day, if you can. Words or not. No rules.
It's late so I'll let this be a post of few words and share a photo from our morning, labyrinth-walking with friends.

"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now..." ~Caroline Adams

2010-05-14T17:14:00.007-04:00

before the show and then after the show.

I don't have pictures of the actual performance this time as I was a backstage helper and didn't actually get to see the show (Alice in Wonderland) myself. I had to make do with sneak peeks from the wings during rehearsals which was hard for me as I like to capture every. single. moment. It was definitely one of those times in life when I wished I could be two places at once because I also love everything about being backstage- the excitement, the last minute sewing and bun-pinning, nerve-soothing, the rush of seeing of things coming together.

I hope to remedy this blog neglect real soon. First it was due to extreme busy-ness and then it was yet another flu bug I picked up.

Hope everyone is well and up to creative goodness.

Yesterday's found poem and today's bookplate winners

2010-04-23T17:24:00.002-04:00

Her father liked sorrow freely given
passed off and down
in shining robes of
blood
and
sin
and
blame.

Not the happiest of my poems, but it is what fell into place as I clipped and rearranged.

Today I was able to spend time with a dear, dear friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was a great way to start the day, connecting with this soul I have so much in common with. I spent the rest of the afternoon picking through my box of old photographs, looking for images to restore and offer as digital collage sheets. The bookplates are going to offered as digital downloads soon too. And speaking of bookplates, sweet Olivia, who is on the couch with an ice pack-she fell while on a field trip today and hurt her ankle-drew two names for me. Out of the hat came the names "anonymous rebecca" and "jayne." congratulations! just email me with your pick. :)

One other tidbit of happy news---after having bandages of various shapes and sizes for 14 months, I am now officially bandage free. My wound (from a failed skin graft) has healed completely. There is another surgery in my future but not for a while yet. I am enjoying the freedom. :)

Wishing you a happy and creative weekend.
xoxo,

a small show and tell

2010-04-21T17:51:00.004-04:00

taking the bookplate image onto the top of a pine box.

it's still a work in progress. for a minute there i thought it was done but after seeing it with fresh eyes, i see a few things i will try and adjust tomorrow.

this is my little sweetheart at school, right after a lovely conference with her teacher. this image makes me smile. there is a photo downstairs in an album of olivia when she was 9 months old, holding her head in the exact position and also wearing pink, with the light landing on her in that very way. i will find it and scan it. it would be nice to frame them together, don't you think?

and see this GORGEOUS book cover? it arrived in the mail yesterday and is here on the desk beside me as i type this. a birthday gift from the talented and so so kind and thoughtful pilar. thank you sweet friend, i love it so much!!!

shop opening and bookplate giveaway

2010-04-19T08:00:00.013-04:00

The Oddest Owl is officially open!
While I didn't reach my goal of 40 bookplates, I do have 25 with many more coming this week. There will be more mythological creatures, some circus themed plates and ones that will be great in cookbooks. I am working now on a collage involving a tightrope, a fox, and a penny farthing.

Leave a comment suggesting a bookplate you would like to see to enter for a free bookplate set of your choice. I will draw 2 names on Friday.

"a spirit of thrift"

2010-04-18T10:18:00.008-04:00

[Here I am with my cousin Mason. Oh, how I would love to know what I was thinking in that moment! :)]

"I wish I'd known from the beginning that I was born a strong woman. What a difference it would have made! I wish I'd known that I was born a courageous woman; I've spent so much of my life cowering. How many conversations would I not only started but finished if I'd known I possessed a warrior's heart? I wish I'd known that I'd been born to take on the world; I wouldn't have run from it for so long, but run to it with open arms." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach in her book "Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self"

Yesterday I read two things that were still at the front of my mind this morning. The above was one of them.
The second-jotted down from a friend's copy of Selvedge magazine. Just a few words from the article on Lucy Boston's home. (Lucy, who had her first book published at age 60 (!) was the author of the Greene Knowe children's books, of which we have read only the first.) In the article was a description of Lucy's decorating style. I love the phrasing---" a spirit of thrift, of make do and mend....haphazardly bohemian." I've always prided myself on the same spirit as this. I thought about those words this morning as I cut pieces of some new thrift store fabric to sew into a curtain. Much more fun, most times, than just going and buying something new, don't you think? Also found at the thrift store the other day, my first trip in a long while, was a 48 inch Friendly children's tapestry loom. I stood with the ticket for a while, debating spending the twenty bucks. At the time I had no idea how much they cost brand new. In the end, I decided to buy the loom because of the lovely visions passing through my mind of Olivia and I weaving side by side. Turns out it was a great purchase. Olivia was thrilled, planning scarfs and dog collars and belts. As we progress with the loom, we will share pictures. Any of you have any experience with a loom? We have a great book on weaving so I think we will start there.

After a make up dance class this afternoon, (the kids are actively preparing for the Alice in Wonderland ballet at the Jefferson Center next month) I plan on getting the bookplate shop ready to open in the morning. Hopefully sprinkle a bit of yard work and a walk in there somewhere. What lovely, lovely things are you up to this Sunday?

bookplates revisited

2010-04-12T20:32:00.004-04:00

i've taken the advice of a friend and added some color and texture to the plates. these are the ones i meant to show earlier but somehow in my semi-sick daze added the wrong ones.
and for fun, two more bookplates. more next monday. :)

a snip of a bird's wing, an elephant, and a girl--show and tell

2010-04-12T10:38:00.007-04:00

Hello and Happy Monday to you!
I was determined to blog something today. It's been way too long. We have been so sick in the Scott house that at times I sincerely lost track of the days. First Olivia was down with pink eye, then a nasty upper respiratory infection. Definitely the sickest she has ever been. I held out until she was feeling almost better and then succumbed to it also. Not the pink eye, but all the other mess. I am up today, foggy headed and moving slowly, but it's reason enough to celebrate. I'm celebrating the sun and the breeze moving in the trees; I'm celebrating my husband who just finished a run with the musical "Violet" as one of the guitarists. He put in countless hours learning new material and I couldn't be prouder.

I've been working in bits and pieces on a line of bookplates to sell on Etsy.
The first is "Ready to Sail." Pieces of four images combined. A snip of a bird's wing, a ship, a growing girl and the connections with her mother.
Then, there's "Hema, The Elephant Rider", "Lizette, The Night Violinist," and "In the Zinnia Garden."
I couldn't think of a better way to combine my love of story, books and art. The shop, called The Oddest Owl, will be opening next Monday. So, please, stop back by here. I'll be sharing more bookplates (my goal is to open with 40) and there will be a drawing (or two or three) for a set of your choice.
xoxo,

A Link and a Poem

2010-03-26T07:51:00.007-04:00

Olivia is on the couch and the room is darkened. That's what you do when you have pink eye or "The Insufferable Pink Eye" as she titled her drawing this morning. She doodled super-hero cats with tiny droppers that magically banished itchy eyes while we sat in a waiting room for close to two hours.
It is good to be home. I just put drops in her eye and rubbed some essential oils on her feet. Immupower. Lemon. Lavendar. Soon we will share some chamomile tea. The tea bags make great compresses for the eye afterward. Very soothing.
Last night we ohhed and ahhed over tiny paper art and you must see them too. Tiny constructions in cardboard (toilet paper size) rolls.

My only other offering to you is a poem that stayed with me all week.
It's by Tess Gallagher

I Stop Writing the Poem

to fold the clothes. No matter who lives
or who dies, I’m still a woman.
I’ll always have plenty to do.
I bring the arms of his shirt
together. Nothing can stop
our tenderness. I’ll get back
to the poem. I’ll get back to being
a woman. But for now
there’s a shirt, a giant shirt
in my hands, and somewhere a small girl
standing next to her mother
watching to see how it’s done.

The busy weekend we planned with it's dance company try-outs, birthday party and playdate looks to be instead a simple one at home while Olivia recovers. Cuddling with movies, books and things to draw and stitch sound like the direction we will be headed.
Hope your weekend is a lovely one.
xoxo

2010-03-24T17:02:00.005-04:00

Bonnie Doerr, Deborah Heiligman, Emily Ecton, Ruth Spiro, Laura Rennert during the Getting Published--Picture Books to Young Adult program

When I thought about blogging my experience of the festival I imagined words just pouring forth freely but as I sit here, finally in front of the computer with a chunk of time, I am at a loss. Did I use up all of my words when I was writing on my Work-In-Progess today sitting in the oncologist's waiting room? Or yesterday as I worked on a secret (to be revealed soon) project in Photoshop?
I came home from the festival more inspired than ever and with a strong belief that this time next year my book will be complete. Yes, that's my goal. This time next year I will have submitted my book to agents. And fingers crossed, been accepted. There. Putting it out here on my blog is a good thing. It helps hold me accountable and I like that. It is a good thing to have goals, especially big ones like this.
On Saturday, authors shared their individual roads to publication, some easy and some taking many bumpy years. Rebecca Skloot's path is one that was extremely interesting. She, along with Carleen Brice, Jag Bhalla, and Kelly Powers gave advice on promoting your book. (Carleen has a great post with book promoting links on her blog.) Online networking is big, of course. I also found out exactly what a publicist does and the importance of pre-orders.
I learned about the site: Booktour.com. [Found out Greg Mortenson is speaking near me next month. Anyone read his book, "Three Cups of Tea"?]
There was advice given on how to write a query letter that will be noticed and then more on how to publicize your novel once it's written. The highlight of my day was listening to the panel of agents, observing their differences, and selecting my "dream agent."
I only bought one book while I was there. "Leaving Gee's Bend" by Irene Latham. I met Irene when she sat next to me during one of the events and she was such a pleasure to chat with. I can't wait to dive into this book. The main character, Ludelphia, is ten years old and she loves to sew. She's the same age as Olivia so I know my own little stitcher's going to be interested. I'm thinking this will be our next read-a-loud together. We will be finishing up our current book "The Return of the Light" by Carolyn Edwards soon.
At the end of the day, I drove home tired and with five pages of notes but the words that still stand out the most were doodled at the top of the last page: First you must write a good book. So, when I'm silent here on the blog, you'll know that's what I'm off trying to do.
:)

xoxo,

2010-03-19T08:24:00.004-04:00

the bloodwork came back under thirty!!! thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind comments and emails. they gave me strength, truly they did.
i am SO grateful just to be alive, to have this day to love and be loved, to be creative and happy.
tomorrow i will go with a light and carefree heart to virginia festival of the book with the main goal being to fill the "creative well". what will you do this weekend to replenish your creative energy stores?

xoxo,

p.s.--i owe several of you emails--i will have a day to catch up soon. :)

2010-03-15T19:28:00.003-04:00

I really don't know the first thing about crewel, but I want to learn. While doing a bit of spring cleaning I ran across a book called "The Complete Guide to Embroidery Stitches and Crewel" by Jo Bucher. It was in my give-away pile in the beginning but the design in the photo, the one on the left, has captured me and now I want to make something inspired by that piece. Maybe a skirt with a similiar design in the corner, or a pillow.
I'm not letting myself go into google-mode yet though cause there is a part of me that wonders if my brain isn't being a bit sneaky, trying to get out of doing some real work. Like the way someone I know changes the subject when the conversation gets heavy. Hmmm...maybe. The WIP is giving my brain a serious workout. And sometimes I do feel the hugeness of it and I start to panic before I pull back and remember to take it scene by scene. And take deep breaths. It's when that great quote by E.L. Doctorow comes in handy: "Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."
Over the weekend I revised a chapter and wrote several more scenes in the next and a few scenes further on in the story. That's how I do it, that's how it seems to work for me. Like squares in a quilt, I am hoping, praying, it all comes together in the end. Another thing I've discovered is that I must write on the WIP every. single. day. Something. It may only be a hundred words but if I take a day off completely there is a disconnect that happens and it takes me days to gain back the momentum lost. I also need a cup of Earl Grey and warm socks. "The Illusionist" soundtrack playing in the background.
I am learning as I go.
Good things happened this past weekend. We participated in the Riverdance Challenge I mentioned in the last post. It was fun but I never got the hang of the dance. I just moved my feet around and smiled. Olivia got it right away which was no surprise. The parade was fun; the best part for me was seeing the Vikings...they put on quite a show. We stopped a Viking later on the way to the car as we were leaving and got our photo made with him. He was a sweet Viking.

And this weekend will find me heading up to Virginia Festival of the Book. Yay! I am extremely excited about this. Extremely. Last year I wanted to go so badly but we were in California and I was recovering from my surgery then. I remember laying in the hotel bed visualizing where I would be a year into the future and the festival was a part of it. So, it's important that I go this year. It represents, yanno?
(i had bloodwork done today...i get the results on wed or thursday. since i've had several days lately of feeling less than good i have been stressing this one. send a little well wish my way will you? and a wish for a number under 30. :) )
xoxo,

2010-03-12T14:53:00.003-04:00

Two of Olivia's friends, Caleb(playing Henry) and Moss(playing a hobo named Cookie) are in The Boxcar Children being performed at the Taubman by the Roanoke Children's Theatre. We went last night and enjoyed every minute! Everyone did such a fantastic job. If you are local I hope you can make it to one of the showings.
Also, locals, are you planning on the St. Patrick's Day parade? And just before the parade there's the Riverdance Challenge where you can be a part of an attempt to break the world record for the longest Riverdance line. You know you want to. :)Fingers crossed the rain holds off at least for a few hours in the morning.

a happy creative weekend to all!

where will you be in ten years?

2010-03-10T17:34:00.006-04:00

Saturday was the Hollin's Literary Festival. David Payne, Molly Peacock, and Valerie Martin read from their recent works. It was interesting to observe their very different reading styles; one animated, arms moving in grand gestures, where the reader before had stood stoic and measured each word and delivered it precisely. Each honored the silence in the spaces between the paragraphs in a way that I have never done. Or ever had the courage too. I think of how nervous I get sometimes when I read at the small writing group I attend and how I probably rush too quickly through.
It was an amazing learning experience, just in a different way than I thought it would be going in. I thought I would be taking pages of notes on process to study later but instead ended up with only a handful of sentences that came to me as they were speaking. Ideas and inspirations. Most were notes-to-self, reminders from "must make that pinhole camera" or "experiment with that plastic lens," "buy cranberry juice because isn't it pretty in a glass, especially with squares of ice. buy square ice cube tray," to "must write about surgery last year even if it hurts to think of it," "why was losing my hair harder than losing a breast?" And then thankfully, the last name of a character that has been eluding me for over a year presented itself perfect and true as I sat waiting and doodling between speakers and I am oh so very grateful for that.

This was my favorite poem of the day and one that I thought would resonate with you:

The Flaw
The best thing about a hand-made pattern
is the flaw.
Sooner or later in a hand-loomed rug,
among the squares and flattened triangles,
a little red nub might soar above a blue field,
or a purple cross might sneak in between
the neat ochre teeth of the border.
The flaw we live by, the wrong color floss,
now wreathes among the uniform strands
and, because it does not match,
makes a red bird fly,
turning blue field into sky.
It is almost, after long silence, a word
spoken aloud, a hand saying through the flaw,
I’m alive, discovered by your eye.
~Molly Peacock

After lunch that day, I had the chance to walk around the campus, soaking up some much needed sunshine. Serendipity, it was, that my path led to this chalkboard installation piece... "Where will you be in ten years?" I didn't add anything though there was chalk nearby and I'm sure it would have been ok for me to do so. The next morning I journaled with that question as my starter. It's a great prompt for those of you who journal. I filled several pages with it, dreaming and planning and I bet you would too.

If you are local, let me suggest a trip to Bread Craft. I met my friend Sonya there this morning and already am anxious to get back. Great atmosphere, delicious bread...isn't that a pretty chocolate croissant? Almost too pretty to eat with that swirl. Yummmy. I also got to take a peek at Sonya's studio, opening soon downtown. Workers were there doing the floors and getting things ready. I'm sure I'll have more to share on that soon as she has great plans for her own art and for classes.

That's a little of what I've been up to. There have been days of feeling as if I'm on the verge of coming down with a yucky bug, followed by a great day, then back the next day to feeling bad with a tummy ache and fatigue. And now I seemed to have passed it on to Olivia who was out sick from school today. Sigh.
Hope where you are that all is well.
xoxo,

no wrong turns

2010-03-01T14:37:00.004-04:00

Let today be a day of centering, of following one path to the center and back out again. A day of breathing deep and with intent. A day where there is no such thing as a wrong turn.
xoxo,

link list and love

2010-02-25T23:48:00.010-04:00

a cup of english breakfast+ a mirado black warrior pencil+ a legal pad = a happy heart

*for about a week now i've been visiting this site at the beginning of my block of writing time: one word. you are given one word and sixty seconds to write something. anything. no pressure. it doesn't even have to make sense. just write. who cares about punctuation. a great way to get the creative energy moving. yesterday's word was "drops". "when i look at him he drops his eyes. i think i know why. could it be he's afraid i might see the lie that lives there cowered in the bottom corner, just beneath the pupil? there. there, do you see it? that..."
*ten rules for writing fiction
*on january 1st i made a pact not to buy another book until i read (or gave away) every single book on every single shelf in the house. what was i thinking? maybe not the most realistic goal but it has been eye-opening for me. (more on that later) i was coasting along and doing quite well until a barnes and noble trip with my daughter and step-daughter. The Awe-manac: A Daily Dose of Wonder by Jill Badonsky stole my heart within seconds and when looking for a link just now i found that Jill has a blog! love. love. love.
*Still great poems and short fiction. non-fiction too.
*some eye candy tomek setowski and eloise corrdanch and pae white. pae's work was recently at our local art museum and i fell in love with it there. one of these days i'm going to get some scissors and stacks of colored paper and spend an entire day cutting shapes. better yet- i'll invite friends and we can cut paper together. the thought of friends surrounded by pretty colored paper strung through the trees makes me smile. in this vision we are all on blankets in the front yard and it's warm, not windy and cold like it is today. sigh.
*this is one of olivia's favorites. simon the cat videos
*and lastly, i've wished more than once this week for a voice like eileen jewell.

hope your weekend is love-filled and fun.

2010-02-25T05:47:00.006-04:00

I love it when Olivia asks me to do her hair whether it's a bun or braids. Or a braided bun like a few days ago. Once when she was small I read that when you brush a child's hair it's the perfect opportunity to send blessings and positive energy to your little one. With each stroke of the brush in your mind you are thinking of all the wonderful things about the person you are tending, wishing them well on their day ahead. I loved the thought then and I love it even more now. There are times I forget, like when we have two minutes to get her hair up before a dance class or before a performance and the bun has to have the proper placement and maybe I've gotten it too low again and hear the word "re-do" for the third time. But most times I remember.
And thinking of hair-I have about an inch or two of hair now; and everyone was right, hair post-chemo is different. The texture is odd. Off. And it's grey. And very curly. Sometimes I catch myself wondering just who that stranger is I see in the mirror. It's rare that I wear my wigs these days. It's been cold so I've been relying on hats. Not sure what will happen come spring. Color will be in my future...maybe even something a little fun like a blue or red streak here and there. It feels a little silly to be stressing over hair when this time last year I was worrying about much heavier things and headed to California for treatment.

That was the art table yesterday morning. I just love the potential of a gessoed surface so much. Yesterday was one of those days where I just felt like covering everything in the art room in gesso and starting over. In a good way. The box isn't white anymore but still a work-in-progress and one I'll share when it's complete.

There are three new quotes taped up in my art room, both by my desk. Maybe they will inspire you as they have me.

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." - Carl Sandburg

"I always tell my writing students that every good piece of writing begins with both a mystery and a love story. And that every single sentence must be a poem. And that economy is the key to all good writing. And that every character has to have a secret."---Silas House

"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing."~Marc Chagall

returning.

2010-02-23T12:44:00.008-04:00

I've spent days trying to figure out how to work blogging back into my life and although the thought of jumping in feet first, trying to pretend months haven't passed without any explanation at all, appeals to me, I feel at the same time I need to offer some sort of reason for my absence.
If you were to ask me what in the world I've been doing with myself all this time I would say-writing. Writing for hours. Writing until I had to get a brace for my wrist. Writing in my journal. Writing this fiction book we can call TPS for now. Add in daily doses of cooking and a bit of painting. Some tea drinking....oh, and lots of reading.
My issue seems to be balance related. When I am working on a project I lose myself to it heart and soul and TPS takes up most of my creative energy. Researching the historical aspects, reading books on the craft of writing because most of the time I struggle desparately with getting the images in my head onto paper, and then the writing itself. Since most of you found this blog because of the mixed media art aspect I felt a little like I didn't have anything to share that would be of interest.
And that's how it started. Then my blog wasn't my home page anymore and out of site, out of mind, sort of. That's not entirely true because I was always thinking about blogging this or that. It becomes a way of thinking after a time, doesn't it?
So, I want to start blogging again.
I want to record the days, to connect with you all, to share the things I'm learning about writing; and hopefully share a painting or two along the way, maybe some recipes and found poems. I'm not going to stress about always having an image to share. That's kept me from blogging more times than I can count.

Today's photo offering is a found poem. As I was gathering the clipped words I thought of one of my characters in TPS, an elderly woman named Ruby. This poem was written from her point of view.

I used to think
my heart
was a path of roses
in a frost-bitten garden
bound together
and secret.
Now that I am old,
The last rose
is scattered,
trembling like
leaves before a gust of wind.

And most importantly, I want to say a thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who've emailed and left comments. They've been the line drawing me back. I think of you out there and I smile. I'm smiling big right now.
love and creativity,

2009-11-25T10:39:00.003-04:00

sweet olivia's hands- these days she is into drawing and painting grey kitties. :)

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

There is so much to be grateful for.
May you be blessed with the happiest of Thanksgivings.

2009-11-17T14:13:00.009-04:00

freewriting this morning:
Do you ever think about people from your past? Maybe a friend who let you down or maybe you let her down though you never ever meant to? Maybe it hurts your heart to this day to think about it and you cry just typing her name into Google as you search with no luck once again? Maybe you have unspoken words still tucked inside, an apology, hoping for a chance to make amends. I know I certainly do. I woke up this morning thinking about an old college roommate. She's been on my mind for a few weeks now, thanks mostly to Facebook and finding mutual friends of ours.

It was 1994 when we parted on less than perfect terms. I was leaving Atlanta where we lived in a cute two bedroom apartment and headed north, destination undetermined, to start a new life with a boyfriend. I was young and headstrong. I believed in fairy tales and ever afters. Her words of caution only annoyed me and made me angry. I saw her as a big sister I didn't want. What I did want was for her to pretend to be happy for me just as I was pretending that I wasn't making a mistake. I turned away from the disappointment I saw in her eyes every time she looked at me and I left with barely a goodbye. We never wrote. I thought we would eventually. One of us. But we didn't. The relationship with the boyfriend ended a year and a half later though we are still friends.

Years later I can see my roommate for who she really was. A wise woman who I was blessed to know, who cared about me the way best friends do and who knew heartbreak in a way that I eventually came to know. She had only been trying to protect me, to show me how to be more loving of my soul, to learn to take care of myself and not be the princess that always needed saving. Why had I been so blind to that? I suppose I wasn't ready for the lessons she was trying to teach me. When I think about that time in my life I hang my head and make a wish that I will get a chance to tell her how to this day I draw upon her strength as I teach my daughter to be a strong independant woman. I didn't learn the lessons then when it mattered to our friendship but I did learn them. I think of her each time I make pasta with onions, olives and tomotoes or have cream in my tea or see a movie with Billy Zane. Maybe there will be a day I can tell her these things face to face. After all I do still believe in fairy tales.

2009-11-11T09:48:00.012-04:00

Usually I pop straight out of bed and into the action of the day. This is much to my husband's annoyance as he is the slow-to-rise-must-have-coffee sort of man. I read somewhere once, and i agree whole-heartedly, that the best way to start the day is to, before anything else, any other thought, before your feet even touch the floor, say a prayer of gratitude for the blessing of the new day. Just a simple "thank you for the gift of this day." And say this over and over until you really feel it running true and deep in the core of your being.
Usually this works and is all I need to get a smile and a bounce to my step but I started this day feeling a bit "off." What I needed was some encouragement, a little uplifting, so I turned to one my journals, kept especially for jotting down quotes. Turned out, it was just the thing I needed.(That and a cup of Earl Grey.)

Here are a few words that resonated with my heart's center and got me on the right track.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles."---Willa Cather

"I believe in the energy of art, and through the use of that energy, the artist's ability to transform his or her life, and by example, the lives of others." ---Audrey Flack

"Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a headache when we read the lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desparately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths."---Henry Miller

even more inspiration was found when i popped over to visit relyn's blog this morning. she has a way of finding the best links and well, i think she has a way of bringing out the very best in people.

and lastly, this great article on great novel writing from the WSJ.

2009-11-10T10:47:00.004-04:00

this weekend was all about:

*sketchfest---sketching alone and then sketching with my mom, my niece, and olivia. we had an "art class" in the dining room inspired by frida kahlo and her self-portraits. what fun to share something you love with those you love. we had a blast!
*watching walk the line. and then listening to a LOT of johnny cash. "jackson" is playing on my pandora right now. and let me tell you a wee secret---see, i've always had a moviestar crush on joaquin phoenix who played johnny in the movie...and there just happens to be a character of mine in this WIP, Dr. Elisha Betts, that I have written description-wise with him in mind. sometimes the story plays out behind my eyelids like a movie and there is joaquin as dr. betts, as plain as day. but, i googled joaquin just before this post and read he's giving up acting in favor of rapping. is that really true? i didn't continue searching for info because in doing that i risk the time drain that happens when i start following the shiny trail of the internet. *sigh* i'm just going to pretend i didn't read that whole thing about rapping. (not that i have anything against someone changing career paths and following their dream. just saying.)
*raking leaves. well, i mostly leaned on the rake and daydreamed. and listened to the crows calling from the walnut tree. it actually sounded like they were fussing on me, maybe saying, "get to work."
*writing. i recently started using the pagefour program and have been pleased with the ease it is bringing to this project.
*rolling out yummy biscuits and cooking with olivia
*going for walks. never ceasing to be amazed at how lovely yellow leaves are against a blue sky. *contented sigh*

{Echo} Week 2 "Decorate"

2009-11-06T10:35:00.021-04:00

i read that in ancient times housewives decorated their windowsills with acorns in the hope of protecting their home against lightning strikes by appeasing the red-headed thunder god thor.

(to learn more about {echo} click here.)

what i have been doing instead of blogging: (though so many days i think about blogging)
*nursing a cold
*dressing up as a vampire for halloween
*babying a crazy painful neck crick
*but also celebrating my second low tumor marker number. whoo--hoo!
*going to see bright star with a dear friend
*hiking on the chesnut ridge trail
*hanging out with tiffany at the art museum
*but mostly i have been writing on the WIP (a work-in-progress novel). is it crazy/silly/unrealistic of me to think i might actually be able to complete this or better yet, have it to the point i can actually share it? for so long it seemed too big a project for me to even comprehend. i felt as if i were in over my head...but now....just maybe. i am seeing pages of scenes coming together to form chapters and loose ends are weaving their way together in ways i didn't predict before. after mexico i had to completely start over. i trashed 50,000 words but the characters would not leave my head so i began again. now, thoughts of the story and the characters have me skipping through leaves and dancing. how can this be? i feel so joyous i would turn catwheels across the yard if i could. it is making me that happy. truly. today i have four whole hours to devote to it. four glorious hours. mainly, i am putting all other artsy endeavors below this one, just for now, because this is where a big part of my heart is- though painting will happen this weekend. i have promised myself, because a piece of my heart is there also.

"The very least you can do with your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof."
- Barbara Kingsolver

wherever you are i hope that you are living in your hope.
peace and love,

p.s. and a special thank you to N. for acorn hunting with me.

emerging

2009-10-25T10:36:00.017-04:00

I'm really excited about this---Chrysti and Susan have started a photography collaboration with bi-weekly prompts and have invited us to play along with them. The first prompt is "Emerge."

I used images from yesterday, taken with the small Sony I carry almost always in my pocket or purse.
It was a gloriously beautiful day in the Blue Ridge area- sunshine and breezes, everywhere surrounded by the warm colors of fall, every breath a gift. I hope yours was just like it wherever you are.
Olivia participated in a free workshop at Hollins, a sculpture workshop taught by the amazing and so so kind, Betty Branch. Betty didn't mind if I tagged along and I was like a kid myself with my jaw gaping in awe at her creations. Betty is versatile and blessed with such talent! Favorites were the works with the crows that resonated strongly, causing me at one time to let out a big {ahhhh!}, perhaps due to the fact that in my WIP there's a crow named Grimm, and there he was captured for me to gaze upon to my heart's content. Olivia's favorite was the giant burlap figure and the video of a group of those same figures in an installation pieces, burning in a raft on the water. (You must click on the link to see her work. The video is there too. ) Here is Betty talking about one of her pieces with the group.

***
Now, with the "emerge" prompt I imagined walking through the woods, finding seeds emerging from pods-that sort of thing. But I decided to work with what I have on my camera as I may not get a chance to post again before a new prompt is given. I think knowing I had to make something work made me look my images differently and with greater appreciation.
Suddenly this morning, things were emerging everywhere.

The shot of Olivia's hands full of clay. Such possibility. What will emerge? It was soothing to sit beside her, clay in my own hands, watching her form the sleeping kitty. I would have guessed it would be kitty-related. In her art-making, Olivia has developed heavy leanings toward kitties and ballerinas.

And at the top of the post is a glimpse of what's happening on the right side of my art table, the small tarnished bowl of clipped words and part of a poem that emerged from them last night.
Below-the left side of the art table, where my hand is learning again what was forgotten for a while. It is always a surprise to me who decides to emerge onto the surface.

***
Remember the project I mentioned in the last post? Well, it's taking SO much longer than I could have ever imagined so I've decided not to wait until it's all done to post again. It seemed like a good thing to at the time, a way of goal-setting for myself, but with this time of year comes so many fun activities like ghost hunts in floyd and rocky mount, hikes in the woods, making yummy soups, campfires and reading on the porch or beneath the sugar maple. The project involves sitting in front of the computer and I just can't do that right now! ;) So, the secret-ey project can keep another week.
See you soon.

2009-10-08T12:28:00.002-04:00

This patient bunny has been in an unfinished state for a few weeks now. Surely this weekend I can get the rest of the celluclay on. *fingers crossed* I can't wait to get to the painting part. It's my first paper mache project and I'm really enjoying working with my hands in this new way.

Another new something is in the works...nothing huge at all...but something I am really excited about. I will be absent for a little bit working on that project and the next time I post here I will share it all with you.

Until then, open your heart to all that is creative and loving and good.

2009-10-04T16:36:00.004-04:00

Oh, today was a good one, involving:
*lucky things like a long walk in which a penny was found on heads and a red bird was wished upon. "See a red bird. Make a wish and quick, blow a kiss and touch something blue before it flies away. Your wish will come true."
*the last slice of banana bread baked by a sweet friend.
*the sanding of an old cabinet door and some discarded small rectangles of wood in preparation for a painting marathon. hopefully. it's been a while since i had anything to share but the pull is there. with olivia in school now i have been sketching girls with roots and wings and mothers learning to let go. since returning from the Outer Banks I have been drawing women in houses by the sand.
*precious time spent with family
*precious time spent alone
*research on work-in-progress
*800 words written on work-in-progess
*gratitude aplenty
*and this quote by Father Albert D'Souza:
"For a long time it has seemed to me that life was about to begin; Real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
Blessings,

she has my heart

2009-10-01T10:04:00.004-04:00

yes, my sweet olivia has my heart. my daughter who turned TEN (!) yesterday. i wish i could have taken a picture of her in the car as we were driving. i had just picked her grown-up self from school. she was in the passenger seat (a new thing and a big deal to her) and the way the sun was shining on her hair, making it like honey against the dark blue leather, and highlighting the kindness in her eyes, giving them extra sparkle was SO breathtaking. i thought, oh my, how did i end up with this amazing soul in my life? how is life so good? and my heart ached all the way to dance class. i think we each have moments like this where life is just so sweet it almost hurts. **happy sigh***
Making the day sweeter perhaps was the news from the lab tech that my blood tumor markers are at 29. I have been told that anything under 30 is normal, meaning cancer-free. i see the doctor tomorrow and will find out more.

me in the second wig as we crossed the ferry headed toward ocracoke island.

2009-09-27T22:46:00.010-04:00

Today seemed to fly by though I spent most of it going from the couch to the bed and back to the couch again. Thankfully my sweet husband took care of all meals and clean up. I just love him for that. He also suggested that we all pile in the car and go for a drive so I could have a change of scenery and fresh air without a lot of physical effort. Another reason to love him.
We drove on rt. 11 for a while before veering off onto several side roads, one dirt road landed us on the edge of the Jefferson National Forest, a road not more than a path really. It was absolutely wonderful, the way the road wound up, up, up the mountain and the trees formed a shady canopy for us to drive through. Magical. We had the windows down, the air was crisp. We stopped the car once to stretch our legs. It was the sweetest spot with a trail off to the side, almost hidden. I would have LOVED to go for a spontaneous hike but I had to settle for the patch of nature within a few feet of the car. But in that radius we spotted a blue jay, a grand daddy long legs, a funny quick red bug, a red-capped mushroom and other cool fungi, a small frog and leaves already trading their green in for vibrant red.

Another thing magical about this day was the gorgeous fabric cuff that adorned my wrist, a gift from the talented Pilar . (and I see she has more in her Etsy shop.) I had it on the dining room table to photograph and as I walked out the door I thought to put it on. I'm so glad I did. Every time I looked down at soft fabrics and charms my heart swelled thinking about her kindness and friendship and how healing that connection is, thinking about how blessed I am with friends near and far.

2009-09-26T19:28:00.008-04:00

The wearing away on the surface of these coin-sized shell fragments makes me think of constellation maps or perhaps some ancient writing waiting to be deciphered. I collected several altoid tins full for this reason and because I just like the way they feel in my hand.

We are home from the beach and settled back into our daily routines. This time we stayed in Rodanthe, not in our usual Buxton, and not very far down the beach from the house in the movie, "Nights in Rodanthe."

We walked on the beach and pier, built sandcastles, ate lots of shrimp and did all the usual beach stuff. On one walk we spotted this sand castle, made even more beautiful by its impermanence.

Another highlight was that I got to spend time with Tiffany, a dear friend (and wonderful author!) who lives in the Outer Banks. It'd been way too long since I'd seen her, since before Mexico. She's such a sweet sweet soul and I enjoyed every minute in her company. We had a great lunch in a cute cafe and then drove down the island, stopping near the lighthouse, at another little place where we had yummy ice cream, serenaded by a talking bird. The hours passed like minutes.

I had planned to write more but because of yesterday's chemo I'm crazy exhausted and the couch and TV are just about all I can think of right now. It's Movie Night and Olivia's choice. It's between "Tuck Everlasting" and "Freaky Friday."
Have a creative weekend.
blessings,

2009-09-12T21:31:00.004-04:00

Wouldn't this make the sweetest playhouse? It was just the cutest little building off to the left and sort of behind a general store...I almost didn't notice it. The image was taken last year in the Outer Banks and soon, so very soon, we will be back there breathing in the ocean air. ooh yeah. I am so ready for a vacation.

Two things I Said I'd Never Do

2009-09-11T13:36:00.005-04:00

wig #1

How to make a long story a short one?
I have been here with this problem before.
I'll go back to the end of June.
My blogging absence began with a weak feeling, one that left me able to accomplish a only a simple small task before seeking the refuge of the couch, the bed. It was bad and I knew something was wrong but my mind refused to go there. My tumor marker numbers were good so I must be ok, just weak from the experience, healing from the graft. That's what I kept saying. When I feel bad I tend to shut off from the world instead of looking outside for help so I didn't really let on to anyone except Kelly and a few friends what was going on.
Fast forward a few weeks and I am in the hospital for an eight day stay. Infection in my skin graft area. Then the news that the cancer is still there. What? I was in shock. My world was reeling for a while, the breath knocked out of me. There were no more funds for going back to Mexico or to any other alternative health clinic. I was faced with triple negative breast cancer in my lymph nodes and in my chest. So…I prayed about it and I cried.
And then thankfully I found peace.
I decided to do the first thing I said I would never ever do and that was chemotherapy. It helps having a team of doctors that I absolutely adore and trust. The chemotherapy has in a way been easier than I imagined and in another much tougher.
The hair loss broke my spirit for a while. Then I ended up at the American Cancer Society for the free wig. I joked with a friend, how nice can a free wig be? I went in with low expectations but I shouldn't have. Not only was I treated like royalty there to the point of bringing out tears but there were tubs and tubs of wigs to select from. I tried on 4 or 5 and then saw the dark long hair. ohhh! my heart soared. I had long hair when I first met Kelly. Turns out that some kind soul had just donated a new human hair wig. And well, I love it.
It is heavy and hot but I feel good in it.
And then I have another wig which is not human hair and which I was told last night looks like a wig...ouch....I will photograph that one later.
Sometimes I just wear a scarf or little soft hat. The other night I went walking in our neighborhood with my bare bald head and the light breeze on my scalp felt so relaxing. Of course it was dark and the roads were absent of people but I am working up to bare.
Finally. Finally I can see my strength again.
Finally I am feeling like myself again.
The doctors are pleased with how I am doing. My tumor marker number is dropping and my wound is healing so much that it looks like I may not be needing another graft.
I am still doing my natural treatments. Still meditating and visualizing. So all is wonderful really.

The other thing I said I wouldn’t do is send Olivia to school. Homeschooling was so perfect for us but we made the decision when I was in the hospital and things were looking bad. The up side to this is that she is loving it. Simply in heaven with it! It's a small school near our home. Today is her fourth day there. "Disco Day," she said and she dressed very sparkly this morning...

I haven't adjusted yet to her not being here. I don't know what to do with myself...when I clean out the mess that is the art room I am sure I will figure it out though.

I have much to share...

2009-09-08T13:51:00.004-04:00

but will keep the story of my absence for another day when I have more time to sort out my words.
The image below is from over a month ago but it was there on my desktop and made me smile this morning. (I have gone through several changes since it was taken and I will explain soon.)

A few minutes ago as I was sorting through the clutter of my desk I found the following quote and it made me stop, take a deep breath and settle down, down into myself. I felt the desire (and energy) for the first time in a long while to share, to reach out here and post.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ---Melody Beattie

Today I am grateful for the excitement Olivia had for going to school. Grateful for Kim, the teacher who will be taking care of her and for Kimberly, who came up to Olivia and stood by her side as I turned to leave.

2009-06-13T10:55:00.004-04:00

---no finished art to share so i snapped a pic of my last doodle from a little sketchpad i keep in my purse---

When I was Olivia’s age I didn’t get to go many places. My sister and I got days at Fairystone Park (of which I have many fond memories), visits with relatives (my favorite was mom’s Aunt Ruby), and sometimes we went camping for the weekend at Peaks of Otter. But my favorite was when we piled into the backseat of the boat-like Ford Elite and after a solid hour of driving wound up at Hills where I would spend my pocket money on Nancy Drew books. Although thinking about that drive makes me think of how Mom would pay me NOT to sing. Really she did. My dad did too. I guess that’s how I had the money to buy the books. I remember belting out “I Love a Rainy Night” by Eddie Rabbit and putting all my heart into it. I still sing like that even though I now know I can’t carry a tune. It’s ok cause singing feels so good and it’s just too hard to hold that goodness in.
I didn’t mean to ramble on about all that. I wanted to share the cool thing Olivia is doing today. She is at the Taubman Museum of Art this morning, taking a class with the creative Katherine Devine (I can’t say enough nice things about this beautiful soul and I bet I’m not the only one. She’s just this gifted person whose capacity for kindness is unlimited. We are blessed to have her in our life.) and learning about the work of installation artist, Marc Jenkins. They are going to be making a piece of their own, taking it all the way from idea, to drawing, to construction and if Olivia will let me I will share a picture of her finished work. “I’m planning on a ballerina in arabesque position,” she said.
And if you are a local, have you been to the museum yet? What did you think?

2009-06-11T21:43:00.002-04:00

One Wednesday night each month I get together with a lively bunch of women writers. I say lively cause you never know what's going to happen or where the conversation will go and there's always laughing involved. There could also be tears depending on the piece being read but we always find our way back to the laughter. When I'm with them I feel like I am not a day older than 24, maybe even younger than that. A bouncy nineteen even. There's also trust and comfort. And acceptance. It's a good thing and I am grateful.
I shared with them the above "found poem" (my fave of all my found poems) I put together earlier in the day and I wanted to also share it here.
I had planned to share more news/things but blogger isn't letting me load anymore pics or create links...hmmm...i will save it all for another day real soon.
blessings,

2009-06-05T17:16:00.013-04:00

The Prince and Princess Aurora--Vadim Slatvisky and Shanna Gayer

During the past week if I dared even so much as a glance over at the computer Olivia would raise her eyebrows, giving me the look of scolding child, telling me without words that I had promised hadn’t I, no computer for one week. I did manage brief, very brief, checking of emails but that was all. Sometimes I sneak (sad to admit this) after a promise like that but this time I didn’t and I didn’t mainly because I felt poorly for most of the time away. Everyone in my family says I am trying to do too much and it caught up with me. Maybe they're right. I had to spend much of the last few days in bed, but it wasn’t so bad. Olivia and I cuddled and read. We wrote. We emroidered. Other than the feeling yucky part it was wonderful actually. I am reading several books right now that I am enjoying immensely. The first is by Neil Gaiman, titled Smoke and Mirrors. Oh my. I. love. him. My only exposure to him in the past was Coraline as a read aloud when my stepdaughter was twelve-ish. (we have not seen the movie but it's out on dvd next month I think) Olivia has me reading a book she finished a few months ago and enjoyed, The Name of This Book is Secret. I was hesitant but it's turning out to be a fun suspenseful read. A good way to pass the time. So, loads of cuddling and there has been lots of clouds and rain to go along with it all and add to the coziness.
No paintings were started or completed during the week, but lots of writing and some sketching, things that I could do in bed. I figured out some plot puzzles in the novel and wrote some scenes that I am proud of but I have also gotten stumped more than once or twice. Like I have told several people, I am not sure I even have what it takes to write a book, but as long as it stays fun I will continue to go along for the ride.
Some things I plan to research this weekend: the difference between crows and ravens, castles in America, hot springs/healing, and spiritualism.

Also, another promise-I promised some of you I'd share pics from Sleeping Beauty on Sunday. I was at both shows, the afternoon and evening, took 375 pics and would have taken more but I forgot the second memory card. Here are a few--I will post more later.
Here's my sweet Olivia as musician:
and as maiden:

dancing here with Keiran Wigglesworth and Rebekah Wellons.

2009-05-29T19:06:00.003-04:00

"Love your children while they are small. Spend time with them now. Don't put it off for a single moment." ---Vimala McClure, "The Tao of Motherhood"

I will be absent from the blogworld til next Friday. Be well and be creative!

2009-05-29T18:39:00.006-04:00

I was going through some of the pics I took in California. There aren't many and most were taken from the car or as I sat up in the hotel bed. The image below represents a good day for me. I was back in the hotel after days in the hospital; I was able to move my arm enough to cut words from an old book page I had brought with me, tucked into a Cloth Paper Scissors magazine. It was my first creative act in months and I remember the way I felt more healed after the poem than before. I remember the look of happiness on Kelly's face when he saw me moving the tiny paper words around like puzzle pieces, searching for the right fit. And it was the same day that Olivia, "Mimi, you are sounding like your old self again."

And this was taken my first evening in California. It was getting dark but I just had to see the Pacific Ocean even if it was only a glimpse. This was near Imperial Beach and it was like a big affirmation to me, saying yes, yes, you are going to heal and make art again.

2009-05-28T14:22:00.006-04:00

"To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions." -Deepak Chopra

I encourage you to carve out a bit of alone time for yourself today; I know I am going to try. Olivia is rehearsing long hours for the big annual ballet with Virginia Ballet Academy. The show is this Sunday. More rehearsal time for her means I am gifted with a few hours to do with what I will. Yesterday I met my friend, J. for dinner and laughs at Panera. She's a friend with a busy busy life so we don't get to see one another very often. It was nice to catch up and the time flew.
Tonight I have plans to listen to crafty podcasts and clean the house. The laundry piles quick around here. I am going to try my best to ignore the gessoed wood blocks waiting for paint and the pretty pink squares wanting to be stitched...maybe.
blessings,

2009-05-24T18:49:00.011-04:00

I really want to learn how to draw better; I want to learn about shading and proportion, so I have been carrying my sketch pad, pencils and stretchy eraser around everywhere. The truth is that I have discovered that I LOVE to draw and even if I never improve I will keep on loving it and doing it. It's the same with writing. I may always be in Work-In-Progress mode but again, it's ok. After all, our very lives are nothing but works in progress, right?

The piece above is my latest drawing+inspiration from the characters in the fictional WIP+an old photograph of trees that I found in my stepfather's things+another photo taken over the winter of a bare tree branch+vintage image of a bird in flight=a piece that tells a snippet of a story, the part in the book where the main character leaves the mountains, the trees, her home. I won't say any more just now. I find I am a bit superstitious about sharing too much of the story and having it's energy drain away with my telling. I read a quote once where a writer gave that warning and it stuck with me. But I will say that combining the painting and the writing is making me silly spinning happy-just like when I picked up my first Somerset Studio magazine and discovered altered art. **deep contented sigh**

2009-05-21T20:22:00.010-04:00

Spring came that year like magic and like music and like song.--Thomas Wolfe

Tuesday: imagine my surprise and delight when olivia and i got home from dance class and found such kindness and beauty placed on the porch by the front door! i have the best friends and i am grateful. but the goodness didn't start there. early that morning i had the pleasure of spending time with 3 of the lovliest, most amazing generous souls. (c.p. i'm talking about you!) then lunch out with the family at the yummy red clay restaurant in rocky mount. if you are local you must check it out. there was also olivia's book club and dance class where i sat in the car, soaking up the sun and writing. a perfect day if there ever was one.

Wednesday and today: olivia has been on a cooking/lemonade making frenzy. when not in the kitchen she has been busy logging books onto her new goodreads account. (do you know about this site?) so much fun she has been having! thank goodness i had the camera on the dining room table and was able to catch her as she shuffled to the computer.

...and isn't this a great color?
love.
i am liking the feeling of having several works in progress. there was a time when i simply HAD to finish a piece before i could move on-now i am liking flitting between each, letting the muse move me where she will.
how do you work best?
the photos below are of a piece i think is complete. it was inspired by the novel i am tinkering with. i have been working on backstory for each character and one in particular, we'll call her S. for now, has been difficult for me to get my head around. i tried imagining her as a child. what was she like? this turned out to be a helpful exercise as i got an entire new feel for why she is like she is when the story takes place. in a few days i will share the other piece i have going of her- S. is seventeen when the story begins; she isn't the main character but she is one of my favorites. not to mention, the most challenging so far.

2009-05-15T15:57:00.002-04:00

olivia has a friend over for all day and night. they are both floating on clouds, so happy to be together. as i write this their giggles and belly laughs are filling the upstairs and making me smile.
a few hours ago i told them i was going to work on cleaning my art space, decluttering to make room for a beautiful easel a sweet sweet friend gave to me. well, i got distracted and ended up playing instead of cleaning. oops. but that's ok. i still have one more hour before i need to start on dinner...

2009-05-13T18:40:00.007-04:00

A few days ago daybreak found me sitting on the porch, watching the rain pour down. At the corners the rain gathered and gushed over portions of the porch floor, it pooled around the hydrangeas and washed down the driveway in muddy rivers. Next week the gutter guys will come and put gutters on. I watched the rain wash clean the wood of its buildup of yellow pollen, so thick, tracked with yesterday's footprints. I took in deep breaths and let the rain wash clean my soul. Calm. Peaceful. Unhurried. Safe. I loved how the rain was like a curtain, a veil, cocooning me from the world, from the neighbors, who if they looked out would see a woman in her pajamas, her hair unbrushed and wild.
I am forever saying how I wish I could uproot our house and place it onto a plot of land on a lonely country road. Land with big old trees to wander through and a creek for Olivia and her friends to explore. Land that holds secrets to unearth like arrowheads and chards and secrets not buried but that reveal themselves only as voices carried on the wind.
I started to make that particular wish on that morning but didn't. I realized I was happy just where I was. Hmmm. I was a bit surprised. But I sat and listened and just appreciated the time. It seemed such a priviledge simply to be there, observing the rain. What a gift! It was all that mattered in that moment. I told myself I was going to make a stronger effort not to take such simple acts for granted and to feel contentment with where I am in my life.

I was reminded of this quote: "Get a life in which you are generous. Look around at the azaleas making fuchsia star bursts in spring; look at the full moon hanging silver in a black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is glorious, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around."---Anna Quindlen

Isn't that wonderful?!
The last few days have been good ones for taking it slow and seeing the glorious. Olivia and I have embroidered and we written. Olivia is also working on a story, a novel, and we have propped up on pillows, each disappearing into the worlds on our pages and then back again to share favorite sentences and ask advice. Especially advice on naming characters. Olivia has quite a knack for that. This is my favorite thing that we do right now. Sigh. I love the way her eyes light up with the joy of creating. Ah, life is glorious.

2009-05-09T14:48:00.003-04:00

Here is a poem by Naomi Shihab Nye from her book "Honeybee" that I copied and keep now on the fridge. It serves as a daily reminder to slow down and cherish.

To One Now Grown

If we could start over, I would let you get dirtier.
Place your face in the food, it's okay.

In trade for great metephors,
the ones you used to spout every minute,
I'd extend your bedtime,
be more patient with tantrums,
never answer urgency with urgency,
try to stay serene.

In one scene you are screaming
And I stop the car.
What do we do next?
I can't remember.
It's buried in the drawer of small socks.

Give me the box of time.
Let's make it bigger.
It's all yours.
----Naomi Shihab Nye

Because you know they grow up so quickly, don't they?

Happy Mother's Day.

2009-05-09T10:47:00.009-04:00

I've been wanting to post now for a few days but haven't because there is so much to say, so much catching up that needs to done that it overwhelms me.

I will make this long story as short as I can.

First before I even begin I want to thank you for your prayers and healing thoughts. Each one held a special magic for me, helping me gain strength and keep hope. I treasure each kind word and hold onto them as I go forward now.

After my last post, I became very ill. I will leave out the details as they involve things like spurting blood and pain. There was also however lots of praying, asking for guidance. I can tell you about the vivid dreams I was having then about a woman, a Native American woman, elderly and beautiful, with thick gray braids, who would come to me hold my hand. We were always in a small dark curved roofed room, light coming from an opening to my right. I don't recall us ever talking. We would sit facing one another on the dirt floor and she would pass me a piece of fabric with red stitches. Each time it was the same. At first, I took it to mean that I should explore more my creative side with fabrics. Then as I grew sicker I wondered at a deeper meaning. I thought that maybe the stitches, segemented as they were in a line, represented painful events in my life. Then in a final dream of her, I recall trying to remove the threads, but wasn't able to do it alone. I grew frustrated and wanted to give up. I asked her for help. It was then I noticed others in the tent with us. Suddenly I knew that to be healed I had to remove the threads. And I had to ask for help outside myself.

I awoke the next morning and told my husband (my angel, I do swear he is) we needed to move forward with our plan B of cancer treatment That plan being the William Hitt center in Tijuana, Mexico. So that dear ones is where I have been. We loaded up the Tahoe (thank you to the loan from my mother-in-law) with my juicer and water alkaliner and all things good and set out on our journey across the US. Our temporary home became a hotel in San Ysidro, California and I had my first treatment on March 2.

My doctor is an amazing man and the clinic is a special place. I took treatments there for 2 weeks, followed by a mastectomy. The surgeon (also an amazing man) had to take muscle and skin from my stomach. (He even had to stirich me a new belly button) Many days of healing, many days of not being able to walk upright or move my right arm. Then back to the Hitt center for more treatments. The last week or so there I was able to walk. Mostly upright even. I can not even begin to describe the joy of being able to walk without help, to be outside and feel the sun, to go for a ride, to sit in a restaraunt!

Gradually I began to think like my old self again. I made friends. I did my first creative thing-I made a "found poem" and then embroidered a cloth napkin. My arm was healing, but slowly. I could not do things that involved a lot of movement but I could hold my arm close to my side and stitch. That brought me much joy but still, I grew more homesick by the day.

You all know I missed my sweet sweet Olivia. I have never known pain like that. I arrived home a few weeks ago. I have held her every chance I can and have caught up with most, but not all, of my dear friends here.

I know there is still healing to do. I may need another surgery in 3-4 months. I take several fistfuls of pills each day and am getting back into my other alternative treatments. I will be going in for blood work and monitoring.

But all is well. I get impatient at times, am tired a lot of the time still and miss the full use of my arm, but I am grateful to be here, writing this update to you.

Each day is better than the one before. And I am looking forward to more and more days, more chances to be good to someone, to paint or write or just sit and be, more opportunities to give and receive LOVE.

Thank you for your visit here today.

Blessings,

2009-02-03T18:01:00.001-04:00

(cards by Louise Hay)

Thank you, each of you, for your thoughtful, kind comments and emails. Thank you for taking the time to reach out. I will forever treasure each one for in your words I found a little bit more strength to hold onto. You made it easy to share and I am grateful.

I am also reminded of this:

"Something opens our wings.
Something makes boredom and hurt disappear.
Someone fills the cup in front of us.
We taste only sacredness."
---Rumi

May your day be full of sweet surprises.
xo,

2009-01-25T18:26:00.009-04:00

It has been a long long while since I sat here at the computer holding the intention of wanting to share a part of my life. It was so easy in the past to tell you about a new art project or a special memory made with Olivia but when it comes to the more sensitive subjects I am often at a loss. My quietness here came first because I couldn't keep up a smiling front to blog readers while in reality feeling scared and unwell. And I discovered that the more unwell I began to feel the more I retreated, like an injured animal going deeper into her cave.
Then a few days ago I started thinking about the blog again. I was missing the connections made here. When sweet Relyn linked to a post of mine and several more kind folks left comments I knew it was time to come out of my hiding.
OK. Well. Here it is...
I am on a journey of healing like I have never been on before. (deep breath) A journey that was shown to me the day a biopsy revealed an aggressive breast cancer. But no worries, I tell everyone. After much research and prayer, I have chosen what I believe in my heart to be the best path for me and that is one that does not include conventional medicine but one of building a super-strong immune system. A macrobiotic diet, energy medicine, many herbs, juicing, acupuncture, chiropractic, meditation, yoga, therapeutic grade essentials oils. Quantum healing. (Have you ever seen the movies You Can Heal Your Life or What the Bleep Do We Know)All kinds of good things in my arsenal. And I have come now to a place where I am feeling like a warrior and thankful for this new direction my life is taking me, for the lessons learned, for the strength I am finding in myself. A good friend described the healing of this cancer as only a chapter in the book of my life. I liked that. A short chapter though hopefully, as sometimes the news will still hit me fresh all over again and I will have to work pretty hard to get to a positive place, to my peaceful warrior place. Most days though I feel strong and sure and filled with love and for that I am grateful.
For so long I have preached to others about the healing power of art and finally I am creating again. Shew. I was beginning to worry that the numbness and rejection of my art supplies was permanent. For weeks there was nothing, now thankfully a few words, however stumbling, are finding me, my tongue, my heart is loosening. Finally I can add art to the list of good things I am doing to lead me back to wellness.
Sooooo, now that my news is out I think I can go back to being just me, not me hiding cancer so no one will feel sorry for me, or me without a voice. Just me who likes the feeling of being a part of this special communnity of sweet, intelligent, artsy women.
My time at the computer is brief these days so please forgive me if I am slow to be in contact. I promise to be in touch soon.
Blessings,

2008-10-18T17:07:00.014-04:00

I have been quiet lately, here and in my daily life. Not sure what to do about it but to accept and wait for the tide to turn. I have gone for days only painting in my journals, or making tiny threaded knots on pillows, but unable to write any words. I am moving through life, making lesson plans and baking bread, meeting deadlines (but just barely) and yet I am doing it all with minimal sound. Once I take off my "mommy" or "teacher" hat I become a silent observer, mostly content, but sometimes unsure and unsteady. I have been in this place of stillness before and know that it passes. Perhaps you have been here before and understand.
Tomorrow I will take a walk. (I have been inspired by Misty's video.) Or do a yoga session. Movement would be a good thing, I imagine.

Just finished reading---The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry (really liked) and The Portrait of Mrs. Charbuque by Jeffrey Ford(LOVED)
Tonight I will dive into---Life is a Verb by Patti Digh

Blessings to each.

2008-10-02T20:32:00.001-04:00

i love these words by susan g. wooldridge in her book foolsgold-making something from nothing:
"find a way to honor who you are and who you are becoming. create a spontaneous gathering for yourself...dream what you need into being. find poems you like, songs, music. Turn a table, or your whole house into a cathedral for a ceremony for yourself. gather in a circle as humans have since prehistoric times. include earth, air, fire, and water--holy water you have gathered from a wild place. kazoos, balloons. chocolate. wine. whatever you love. do this often for yourself and each other, fashioning your own deep and wide shelter."

spiraling inward and then outward again

2008-10-01T20:51:00.003-04:00

as i was doodling this afternoon and letting my mind wander, i thought about sitting on the deck of the rental beach house, wishing for a moment i was still there. and as i sketched the spiral of yet another shell,(i drew a lot of shells while on hatteras island) i thought about how the simple spiral shape represents our inward journeys, and how with each day and with each breath i took while there by the ocean i felt myself travel closer and closer to the center of myself. i thought today about how i need to find a way to take the time for that sort of meditation here at home.
and as i let my finger slowly trace the spiral of the shell outward i thought, this is where i am now. i am on the journey back out again. back from vacation and back to the world of routine and school and rushing...maybe not rushing. hopefully not rushing. hopefully i can remember how to get back to the center. my center.
i will keep this shell by the computer as a reminder.
it feels strange to be sitting at the keyboard. i have not done much of this since being home. i blame this on the chill of the autumn nights beckoning me on a walk, or to sit on the porch.
and please please forgive my turtle-like pace of returning emails. i am working my way through...

2008-09-07T11:59:00.004-04:00

{{some morning journaling}}

I can almost hear the waves crashing on the shore! The annual beach vacation and a few other adventures are just around the corner. I will be at the ready with my camera and sketchpad, hopefully returning with lots to share.
The plan is to continue with posting on October 1st...and for each day in the month of October. That will certainly be a challenge for me but as autumn is my favorite time and the time of much inspiration it should be fun.

Hope all the days in between find you creative and happy.

XO,

2008-09-05T07:49:00.003-04:00

Thank you for the congrats! Each comment and email has meant so much to me. I am blessed to be a part of this blogworld, yes, indeed.
I sat down at the computer for a few minutes yesterday, ten perhaps, before I had to get up and perform a mommy related duty. My intention to spend hours catching up, visiting blogs, emailing, never happened. O. has been extra clingy, needing me right beside her as she does her schoolwork. At times I admit ( a little shamefully ) to feeling smothered---very very smothered---yet I know how quickly the days are passing and I tell/remind myself to enjoy, really enjoy with a present heart each cuddle and hug, all of our time spent together. She is, after all, my greatest joy. I suppose she senses she is growing up...maybe it's me--maybe I am holding too tightly... I wish I could recall what eight going on nine felt like. And too bad there isn't a crystal ball to gaze into, to show us know we are doing the right thing.
Then there were three or four days in a row when I never made it to the computer at all! Does it ever happen to you that a week will go by before you even realize it---how can it be Friday? Not very much on my creative to-do list was done.
It feels good to be back at my desk though in a few minutes we must rush away on an errand. Although while we are out we are stopping by Barnes and Noble---I am determined to get my book fix in today---maybe get a new magazine---or two! maybe even a chai latte... yum.

I do have a sketch and a poem to share. My favorite of the latest "found poems."
Can you tell where my head is---that I am longing for the shore?

Much To Share

2008-08-28T11:13:00.013-04:00

I am honored to be the cover artist for the September/October issue of Somerset Studio magazine. Oh, so very very honored. As I walk past the coffee table where the magazine sits perched among my favorite books of the moment, I have to stop and take a second look. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? No, it's really my art on the cover! WOW. I take a deep breath and send up a prayer of gratitude.
I haven't really known how to share this news. Isn't that silly? But, nothing I wrote seemed good enough, thankful enough. It still seems very surreal. I mean, Somerset Studio was at the beginning of my art journey, the articles guiding me, inspiring me. And I still continually look there for inspiration. The thought that perhaps I can inspire someone is a deep meaningful one. To help where I have been helped.

Another magazine, Vennue, this one a local publication, has featured a painting of mine on it's cover for the September issue. I love it! Thank you Lauren and Joey! It was a wonderful experience meeting two special souls such as they are. They made me feel right at home there in the office of Beck Media and were so kind in their words about my work. It was a pleasure.
Inside is even an interview. Another WOW moment in my life-one I am also so grateful for.

And a new painting for the downstairs hallway.
Boy, was it difficult to photograph! I will try again on a sunnier day but for now I will share the photos from this morning. The painting was done on metal. I purchased the original metal "canvas" painted as it was with a bowl of pretty cherries, at an antique store and it was in my kitchen for years. I gessoed over the cherries recently and this is the result.
The woman in the painting is releasing her sorrows up to the heavens.
titled: "The Day that Sorrow Flew Away"

2008-08-25T09:43:00.006-04:00

A morning...
*of watching Olivia as she weaves on a cardboard loom using the book---Kid's Weaving by Sarah Swett--- as her guide. I have never seen her so excited about a craft. ever.
*of sorting through our homeschool books. The time of lesson planning and being organized is almost upon me. {we school all year with tiny breaks throughout but our official start date for the next grade level is October 1.}
*of oogling a neighbor's pear tree. i have been doing some observing and it appears each year that the pears go unpicked. maybe this year i will go and knock on his door and ask, very sweetly of course, if i may pick a few. rumor has it that he is a meanie though...and his driveway is long.

*of chai tea and celebrating work done over the weekend on the second draft of able's story. i managed to get some good research done. i also changed a few character names and upped the stakes a little for my main girl...or at least i hope i did. the writing thing is a wonderful pasttime and i am still loving every minute, even the tough what-in-the-world-do-i-do-next parts! it is like walking a big labyrinth, not know what is around the corner, but trusting there is an end.
*and of good quotes. here is one for you.
lines from p 36 in the book--The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure"
If you want to know what to do, learn to look at things upside down.
To receive, you must give.
Silence speaks louder than words.
Here is an exercise: When you feel a hardness come around your heart, go soft and explore the sensations and feelings that arise. Feel what is beneath anger: thousands of tiny moments of pain, confusion, doubt, fear, self-protection. Accept all this as part of you.
Look on yourself with kindness."

I wish you all a wonderful Monday. Namaste,

2008-08-20T15:25:00.004-04:00

"Keep a grateful journal. Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it will begin to do is change your perspective of your day and your life. If you can learn to focus on what you have, you will always see that the universe is abundant; you will have more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough."
Oprah Winfrey (1954 - )

Five Things I Am Grateful For Today

1. Leo and his red boots at the park. Leo is brave. From looking at this photo you would maybe think he is the shy sort but oh no-Leo is an explorer. I am taking lessons from Leo and I am going to put more exploring on my to-do list because this little guy is never without his smile.
2. My mother-in-law's yummy potato salad and banana pudding.
3. The feeling that autumn, my favorite season, is around the corner.
4. Youtube. I absolutely enjoyed every second of watching this man paint, and this woman talk about writing--she is so funny, and this song---if you watch it, watch till the end cause that's the best part i think.
5. For Olivia spotting a feather as it fell from a bird flying above us. We watched it float down in awe. Simple beauty. My husband caught the feather and we proclaimed it "good luck."

2008-08-18T20:05:00.003-04:00

Olivia and I set out walking this morning with bags of library books weighting our arms. No more had we gotten out of the driveway and a few yards down the sidewalk when we look back and see our two cats Sadie and Sabine, side by side, following us. Usually when we begin our walks they are inside, curled up and lazy on the sofa. What must have running through their minds when we walked past the mailbox and kept going? They have never been past the mailbox. They always stop within inches of the post as if there’s some invisible fence. Always. I must have had the strangest expression on my face when I spotted them in full swing but the looks of confusion on their sweet faces, combined with the determination of sticking with us, no matter what, was something quite comical and has sent me into giggle fits several times today. Oh how I love my two furry brave adventurers! In the end we elected to turn back and tuck the kitties safely in the house.

We did eventually make it to the library. I found several books on drawing and Olivia stocked up on books about the ocean. We are counting down the days till we are back here again. When I chose the drawing books I had visions of sitting on the deck, a sketchpad and a few good pencils on my lap, maybe even a few watercolors on the table, and some coldpress paper. Inspiration seems to be on the breeze there. Art galleries are scattered all along the coast. Oh, I do believe there is a piece of my heart there at Hatteras and daily I feel the pull growing stronger. In my daydreams and nightdreams we have a small yellow house right on the ocean. There are window boxes and a view of the lighthouse. In these dreams I fall asleep each night chasing the light’s path across the walls, listening to the sound of the waves as they crash in steady comfort. I close my eyes now and I can almost believe when I open them I will be there, salt in my hair. It is good to dream.
If you could be anywhere this moment where would you be?

Detach {Illustration Friday}

2008-08-17T20:27:00.015-04:00

One day Colette decided
to detach herself,
to close her ears to negativity,
to the buzz, buzz, buzzing
like that of angry bees
all around her head,
and instead focus on the HOPE
which she had been carrying
in her heart all along,
forgotten.
When this was done
her once barren tree burst
into green gold leaf
and the chirp, chirp, chirping
like that of a hundred birds
filled the air
and she remembered
not in a sudden rush,
but slowly.

2008-08-17T13:20:00.011-04:00

"Venturing"
you can click to view larger

It all started with the painting of a journal for my dear friend Tiffany's birthday.

You can see a photo of the entire cover on her blog:
I did a quick scan of the journal before wrapping it with the intention of possibly later playing and altering the colors in Photoshop. My art room is clean at the moment and my back is much better (thank you for my well wishes!) so it seemed like the perfect time to try a new digital piece. Several hours of "photoshopping" last night and this morning have left me with an image that has entirely different things happening, things relevant to my life at this moment.

The rabbits needing to appear did not surprise me. Everywhere I go I am noticing these creatures; I am dreaming of them and seeing their shape in the clouds. There is a message there. A few months ago it was the fox and now it is the hare. As I was working on this digital piece I thought of a conversation where Tiffany mentioned the hare and the connection they have in mythology to the moon. I googled and found this quote:

"The association of rabbits, hares, and the moon can be found in numerous cultures the world over — ranging from Japan to Mexico, from Indonesia to the British Isles. Whereas in Western folklore we refer to the "Man in the Moon," the "Hare (or Rabbit) in the Moon" is a more familiar symbol in other societies. In China, for example, the Hare in the Moon is depicted with a mortar and pestle in which he mixes the elixir of immortality; he is the messenger of a female moon deity and the guardian of all wild animals. In Chinese folklore, female hares conceive through the touch of the full moon's light (without the need of impregnation by the male), or by crossing water by moonlight, or licking moonlight from a male hare’s fur. Figures of hares or white rabbits are commonly found at Chinese Moon Festivals, where they represent longevity, fertility, and the feminine power of yin.
...The Celts used rabbits and hares for divination and other shamanic practices by studying the patterns of their tracks, the rituals of their mating dances, and mystic signs within their entrails. It was believed that rabbits burrowed underground in order to better commune with the spirit world, and that they could carry messages from the living to the dead and from humankind to the faeries." ---Terri Windling

The journal I created for myself a week or so ago has a rabbit on the cover. I did a scan of that journal and used that image for my rabbit in this piece. A photo of leaves provided some texture for the top of her dress.
Vintage dragonfly wings instantly transformed her into a fairy, again inspired by Tiffany, the writer of things fairy.
When I added the nautilus for her it had personal meaning, then when I looked at the scan and questioned how it related to my own inner workings I saw the nautilus chambers as the parts of myself as I tend to segment off my life in compartments. The nautilus also represents growth as does the moon.
The three rabbits rush to view the rabbit of the moon as she ventures out into the world representing my wonder at the magical things happening in my life, the synchronicities and blessings.

It has indeed been a weekend of blessings, from my splendid time on Friday with Tiffany, to the good energy of the altered art group at our library on Saturday, to the simple cuddling on the sofa reading the story of the twelve princesses (the red fairy book-andrew lang) to Olivia and listening to my sweetheart of a hubby play his guitar in the background.

the above journal was made with slight variations of the instructions found on Teesha Moore's site.

I hope that wherever you are, you are taking some time from your day to honor your creative self.

Blessings,

2008-08-13T07:44:00.005-04:00

Isn't this the sweetest top? I found it last year at Goodwill but Olivia would have nothing to do with it then. I left it in her closet, hoping that she would change her mind. When she walked out of her room yesterday wearing it, my heart did a little flip. I love to see her in clothes like this. Innocent and sweet.

It did much to brighten my mood...I hurt my back the other day-working on the kitchen walls I think...I have tried to pretend all is well but excuse me while I whine and moan for just a moment... My back, it aches in a new place. Between my shoulder blades and up my neck. I am accustomed to lower back pain but this seems worse as if makes difficult to move my arms and turn my head. This will hopefully be the last day of it as I have much to do in the next few days and the house is looking as if a tornado moved through while I had my eyes closed.

So, if you can move freely today, do so! Dance around, shake and shimmy one time for me.

OK, back to the ice pack.

xoxo,

2008-08-08T10:02:00.010-04:00

I am a person that thrives on being at home. I might profess, even loudly, that I like to travel and be spontaneous but don't listen to me. Not a single word. I am happiest when my days are lightly planned and I can be at home for hours with my family and my books and paints. I am a homebody.
Have you seen the movie Nim's Island? I could SO see myself as living the life Alex has in the beginning of the story.
That's rather a sad thing in a way isn't it?

Today is a good day. We are home and plan-less for the first time in a long long while. There are goals for today like
prime the kitchen walls, answer emails, and write a little on Able's story (i am still trucking along in the second draft and loving every second!) but there is plenty of room for daydreaming and long walks. For stopping to feel the breeze and for making homemade muffins.

I have been meaning to share this pic for a few weeks now. LK Ludwig's book True Visions: Authentic Art Journaling pg 45...two spreads from my journal. I would be writing to say how much I love this book even if I were not blessed to have those pieces
alongside so many artists I admire.

The photographs below are of two of my most recent "found poems." I believe this was the title LK gave to the process of clipping words from old books and putting them together in a new way to make a poem. I had been doing this process for a while but without a name and without the frequency I do them now. (thank you LK!) I try to do at least three or four poems a week. They are one of the tools I use now to tap into my creativity before I paint or write. They help me loosen up and trust my intuition. I urge everyone to try it. Olivia loves this so it's great for kids too.

And lastly, a drawing of Able and her pet crow Grimm. This is a page from my journal and unfortunately the drawing did not turn out as I wanted. I still have yet to draw her as I see her. My skill level just isn't there and at times I want to throw my pencil across the room but I will keep trying. Months ago I found an old photograph of a girl who bears a close ressemblance to the girl I see in my mind as I write. Perhaps I should try a digital collage instead. My goal is to illustrate each scene after I write it, not really to ever be seen by another's eyes, some aren't much more than stick figures really, but just to help me in getting deeper into the characters and the setting.
When I began the endeavor of writing down this story I am not sure that I ever saw myself going this far with it and each time I pick up a novel I am stunned at the amount of work and time that went into each page. Bravo to you writers out there!

book currently reading: the adoration of jenna fox by Mary E. Pearson
fave song today: pork and beans by Weezer

2008-07-28T10:25:00.002-04:00

As my "to-do" list grows my first inclination is to seek escape in the blog world, to get lost among your adventures and creations but as Robert Frost said, "The best way out is always through."

See you all in a week or so.

2008-07-21T14:08:00.008-04:00

Where have I been?
Ten days since the last post and I do believe I have been at each and every emotional extreme during those 240 hours.
I have been joyous and well, skipping down country roads, imagining wildflowers around each bend; I have been sick on the couch, watching Buffy on DVD and praying for the waves of nausea to pass.
I have celebrated an email all the way from the west coast, an email that left me so grateful and honored I was in tears and giddy for hours.
The day before that I had cried different kinds of tears sitting in Panera with a hand over my grieving heart as a dear dear friend of many years broke the news that she is moving away and then crazily within the space of an hour I was laughing once more at her silly tales and planning with her the grand adventure that will soon be her new life.
I have visited art stores and found supplies to make a new journal, shared secrets and ideas with new friends and old ones.
I have danced all around the house to my new fave Paul Simon song, Love Me Like a Rock.
I have held myself upside down in downward facing dog pose and then held myself present and still and upright, studying the beauty of the vine growing slow along my window's edge.

And today we have ventured out of the house for the first time in days. I sit here at the library writing this post as Olivia participates in a henna tattoo workshop. A woman is loud in the chair beside me as gabs on her cell phone. I shoot her my best evil eye. My sighs are deep-but I am grateful for the sun warming my arm and the wealth of books within reach. As my friend Lucia would say, "It's all good." Hope all is good with you.

Blessings,

2008-07-11T12:48:00.005-04:00

Instead of posting again about my time being consumed by the wallpaper removal project I thought that I would share a few snippets of my journal pages from this week.
There is also a quote that I am pondering as I go about with the days work:

"Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness." Allen Ginsberg

I love it when another person's words strike such a deep chord within and fill me up with wonderful energy and possibilty! I wish I could hold onto this feeling and always live from such a place. Perhaps it is better though that these moments are spaced out so as to keep them special. To use a word that Olivia made up this week--Life is just a "remarkulous" adventure, isn't it!

Blessings,

2008-07-09T08:27:00.003-04:00

I feel as tired as my sweetheart Patsy Dog above. Fours days in a row of stripping layers of wallpaper and I am only now reaching the halfway mark. Finding it near impossibe to do art other than the quickest doodle or any computer time other than the briefest email check I must find joy in the fact that the kitchen walls in this 1898 home will eventually be so much prettier. If nothing else I am learning a little more about patience. Yes, buying this fixer-upper home has been a lesson in patience.

Hope you are creating in wild frenzies!
XO,

2008-07-03T20:19:00.010-04:00

9 things i loved about today:

1. rediscovering my love of paul simon. rockin' the treadmill with my ipod and singing 12 times --it's a short song--at the top of my lungs( sorry neighbors---)the song, "diamonds on the souls of her shoes." do you know this one?

2. continuing my kings of leon crush...love "red morning light" ---great for my less often acknowledged rocker side. what about this one?

3. having a sweet mother and daughter over to drink tea, eat pizza and play with craft paints. jennifer got all wild and painted with broccoli. well, i did say that anything could be used to make art! i adore my white paint squiggle that turned with a few more lines into a melancholy elephant.

4. this little hedgehog film... 5. sweet popsicle kisses from olivia
6. taking time this morning to get lost in pages from tiffany trent's first book in the hallowmere series...have i mentioned how much i heart this author?!! hugs to tiffany.**
7. playing in my journal, getting it all down. giving myself permission to not hold back. this journal is one i can let go in and not worry about it being read. i do not worry about run-on sentences or punctuation or spelling.
8. more doodling..

9. how the day turned into a day of simple play and good times.

i have hopes the next few days will be filled with much of the same. my stepdaughter is with us and olivia walks on cloud nine when she is here. my biggest project will be stripping more wallpaper but i am looking forward to getting rid of the busy pattern and replacing it with soothing solid color.

have a wonderful 4th won't you? make something that reflects who you are right now, right this very second.
blessings,
xo,

2008-06-29T14:07:00.002-04:00

"The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.” --Sarah Ban Breathnach

It seems as if my shoulders are a little less tight today, my breathing more even and deep.
I am content.
Yesterday I was a dreamer and a doer and I adore days like that.

A trip to an art exhibit at a local college,
thrifting with a friend,
a journaling session, working on old pages, prepping new ones
drawing practice in my newly and thankfully clean art room
a bit of late-night exercise

Even though those last three things are usually written on my to-do list they are much too often ignored.(especially the exercise part). Rarely do I accomplish all I set out to do in one day.

If I take the time to truly listen I can hear my heart telling me that art and exercise and meditation are the keys to living my authentic life. Why do I make it so difficult? Why do I so often put myself, my health last?
Is there something you long to do but aren't?

I have another list today and there alongside good family time, housework and grocery shopping are written the words--"take time to do something for yourself!"

And I will. I have made myself a promise I intend to keep this time.

Blessings for a lovely creative Sunday,

Along about dusk...

2008-06-25T07:53:00.009-04:00

...my daughter and I unfolded an old comforter down in the backyard, laid it out perfect and square halfway between the maple and the dead ash. We settled with our faces pointed skyward, Olivia resting her head in the crook of my arm. With a cream orange sky fanned long and vibrant over the mountains and fireflies rising up lazily in pairs from the grass I felt humbled and hushed, as if we were in an audience and the curtain had just been raised on the best magic show there ever was.
One star appeared and then oh so slowly another and we made serious wishes on each. A bat swooped along in its search for dinner and a few minutes later another followed and then another as we pointed and giggled at their clumsy fluttering display. Birds soared and airplanes trailed above with flashing lights as we imagined their destinations. In no hurry, we stayed like this long past our usual time of going in and brushing teeth and getting ready for bed. Olivia turned her small frame toward me in that way she has of fitting as close and right as a puzzle piece. She smelled of lavender and sunshine. “A little longer,” she said, a mystic reading my mind, and I nodded. I allowed my own body to sink deeper into the blanket, closer to the earth. I could feel the roots I had placed here on my one acre lot of land that seemed to hold my entire world most days. I filled my lungs with deep draws of cool night air and a bird only barely silhouetted low in the ash tree began to sing. “Let’s close our eyes,” Olivia said, “and pretend that we are sisters, tiny fairy sisters resting on a lily petal. The bird is our adopted mama and she's singing us a lullaby, singing us to sleep.”
“Oh let’s,” I said and so we did.

2008-06-23T20:48:00.007-04:00

Lots of storms here lately. The sky has been filled with lightning. We lost our Dell, the modem, the router, my stepdaughter's TV and a VCR on Saturday to a power surge. I have been dealing with this all better than I would have expected. Dealing well with change has never been a quality I could claim until recently. The fact that we have an amazing friend trying to save all the pics on the Dell does much to ease my mind. More than once today I have given thanks for the kind people in my life.

Luckily, thankfully, we have a Mac as well. This is the Macs first time online-I had purchased it for Photoshop use back before we were homeschooling when I thought I was going to be continuing on with my photo restoration business. It's nice having this big flat screen and super colors. A few times recently I commented to my husband how we didn't need both computers in the house and how it sure would be nice to have the extra desk space...funny isn't it how life works?

The photo above is a shot of the side of an abandoned mobile home found on a lonesome backroad in Virginia. It would make for great texture in a digital collage. You are welcome to use it in your own art.

Be well.
xo,

2008-06-18T16:45:00.011-04:00

"In the end, what affects your life most deeply are the things too simple to talk about."---Etty Hillesum

The painting above is one I did last week...or was it the week before? Yes, I suppose it was then. Lately the days just seem to run so quickly into one another. It is a painting of a mother. She wears her apron, maybe she just stepped from the kitchen into the coolness of the evening. She carries love with her in the pocket and holds good news in her hand. It represents the joy and serenity that motherhood brings to my life. The trees were painted to be symbols of my husband, daughter and step-daughter.

The days away from the computer have been healing, restorative ones. A short trip to spend time with precious relatives and then two days back to back to create. Just me and my art room. Doesn't that sound lovely? I have not had that much time to myself since becoming a mommy. The only catch was that for the majority of that time I was without air conditioning! Luckily a friend of my husband's came to the rescue and fixed whatever was wrong. Now that I think about it-I never even thought to ask exactly what the problem was. I just said thank you and went back to cutting and pasting and painting. While Olivia lounged with my mother-in-law I worked on a project with a deadline. This project was a big undertaking for me, at least it felt so very big at the time, leading me into a place of panic and self-doubt. I actually worked myself up into quite a state and then had to plod through all of that mental mess before I could move forward. I had to reassure myself that this project was play just like I want all my art to be and once the self-placed seriousness was removed I could move on with creating. So the project did find completion (and teach many lessons along the way) and the package was mailed on Monday with a big Horray!

Some few closeups pics of the project are all I can share, but the closeups are always my fave images anyway.

Yesterday and today are all about getting back into the groove of a regular day. One highlight-I took Olivia and her bestest friend to our local library for a writer's workshop and met the sweetest person! Tiffany Trent. Super talented and as Olivia kept telling my husband... "She's famous you know and the nicest author ever!" You know how you meet someone for the first time and you just truly like them right away. Well, meeting Tiffany was like that-a special generous soul and a star-struck Olivia and I are looking forward to all of her writing workshops this summer.

Catching Up Once Again

2008-06-03T22:32:00.012-04:00

I kept saying to myself that I would blog once the emails were all caught up and I would catch up on emails just as soon as I caught up on laundry, right after I helped Olivia with her math...the days have been spiraling out of control and there seems to be so much extra to do. Sometimes I actually catch myself standing in a room looking around, confused, not knowing what to do next. More home repair projects have been started so there are ladders and paint cans about, not helping with the feeling of being overwhemed. Sigh. A deep tired sigh. But looking at the bright side-all of the things I have going on are wonderful and I do know I have been in this place before and always recovered my balance. We always do. Somehow we keep moving forward as gracefully as we can and the balance returns.

It always does.
Just, please, please forgive my slowness in returning emails. Soon...

I had wanted to blog last week about meeting an oh so special blog friend in person for the first time and spending time with her and her dear dear son and how I enjoyed every single second of our visit. I had wanted to write about the beauty of the blog community and kinship and how much having found artist friends means to me.

I planned to write...

-about my very ill grandmother who I sat with on Sunday and who spoke to me about the joy she found over the years from working with her hands whether it be in the garden tending to her flowers or embroidering a pillowcase, the desire to create. In those hours I felt a bond with her I never had before. It is a good memory to tuck away.

-about the new sketches I have been working on---inspired by the lovely blog friend visit.

-about the many seeds Olivia and I planted.

-and the hailstorm.

-the baby frogs found in the cup.

-the art show at the library.

Instead of writing all that I spun in circles til I was dizzy but I am settling down soon. I can feel it.

Hope you all are well.

Blessings,

Dreaming of Roses and Flight

2008-05-27T13:24:00.007-04:00

A few days ago I got my layers evened out into a bob, the last of the color-treated hair gone...and guess what, this morning I woke up thinking about coloring my hair red again! Oh dear, I can be quite the fickle one.

I also found I wasn't satisfied with the painting from a few days back. It lacked something but I wasn't sure what. I scanned it in two pieces-it is quite large-and cloned out the words using Photoshop, added a light layer of roses from a manipulated Polaroid taken a few years back and a necklace of birds in flight....The piece has acquired a new name...."Dreaming of Roses and Flight."

It is now a limited edition print in my shop, along with "Giving", a painting originally created for my dear hubby.

Blessings to you each for a creative week~!

WHIMSY---Inspire Me Thursday

2008-05-26T21:39:00.006-04:00

Click to enlarge.

Thought I would try a little something different today.

"Ginny and the Owl"

6x6

I have been waiting since 1995 to use this photo of the tree I took on a walk in Atlanta! So glad I kept it around.

As I was near the end of creating this piece I recalled a story my daughter and I read together a month or so ago. "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh." We adored the story and I wonder if that has a little to do with Ginny having ears and a tail. hmmm....

print is in my etsy shop. :)

I have ideas for 3 more in this owl series....stay tuned! :)

Worry--Illustration Friday

2008-05-23T14:43:00.005-04:00

This piece started out in my journal. After painting and writing I scanned in the piece, cropped out my handwriting on the left, making it square and digitally added the words "so good night" taken from the back of a vintage postcard.

"So Good Night" 6x6

Violet tells whoever will listen that these are her last days. Her twelve grandchildren beg her not to worry, that she has a lot of life left in her. She admits to having worried much of her life away and begs them not to do the same.

Sometimes when Violet dreams she sees herself as a young woman again, nimble and straight-backed, her hair once more the lovely red that caught and held the light in a way that made men gasp. Last night's dream turned out to be more vivid than the rest. At her back she could feel Death, not reaching for her but pushing her gently toward a golden light cast on the walls up ahead. She walked slowly, afraid. The more she walked the heavier she felt. She looked down at her hands, suddenly heavy. Every memory, every worry, every unkind word, spoken and heard, lay in her palms, exposed. Young Violet walked down the hallway stumbling under the weight. The hall stretched on and on and Violet walked on and on until she grew exhausted and could not force her legs another step. She stood there in front of a doorway, Death's breath on her cheek and felt her body shrivel with age and stoop lower with the weight in her hands. Violet heard words whispered and she strained to make them out. "You have a choice?" Violet pondered the meaning and smiled. Could it be that easy? She released her burden to the ground and in her wrinkled hands appeared white flowers she knew in her heart to be of forgiveness. Violet, her body still old and full of a life of memories, was able to continue on easily down the hall. She was no longer afraid, Death's hand was a caress as it held her own. Violet walked into the light and let it warm her down to her bones.

Beatrix

2008-05-20T15:28:00.006-04:00

Two posts in one day-that hasn't happened in a long while. I logged on again to share some photos with you though the lighting still isn't the best.

This piece is titled "Beatrix, After the Seance" and it's done on the 10.5 x 15.5 ish cover of an old encyclopedia for the library art show theme "Of Goth and Strange."

I am hoping to write a short, very short story about her before the show...aren't you a little curious as to why the seance affected her so? I certainly am though I do admit to having my suspicions.

The found poem reads:

Strange how

the next morning

Miss Beatrix was

a little disturbed and anxious

as pale as a spirit

a corpse indeed

her voice was

so much deeper

and sadder when she spoke

mournful

something hinting at grief

and secret

she

wore a peculiar

feeling of

fright.

The found poem was a blast to write. It is serendipity each time, one of my fave things to do for inspiration. Pull an old book from the shelf...let your hand wander across the spines. Select a book and tear two, three, or four random pages. Then cut out words that may work for your piece. Just have fun with this. Then move all of your cut words around, discarding some along the way til you have your poem. I got so lucky with words like "strange" and "pale"-all perfect for the theme.

I am going to be trying something new next week. Offering prints of my paintings and collages....I am excited and nervous about this new step but it feels like a good thing. Any advice would be so appreciated...

much love,

The Big Art Room Clean Out

2008-05-20T08:22:00.008-04:00

photo taken at our history museum

I can finally write that I had time to make art this weekend! (A lovely feeling to be able to write those words.) Four hours to myself on Sunday afternoon and I settled by a window and painted. Pure pure bliss is was but oh, it went by much too quickly!
A ballerina was completed along with a piece for our library's altered art group show on the 31st.
I had planned on sharing those with you today---but alas--my camera battery is on it's charger. Tomorrow, hopefully.

My mom spent last night with us and kept me company as I cleaned deeper into my art room. I have a few batches of rubber stamps and some stamping magazines already listed on ebay and more things coming. The plan is to list some vintage photographs and fabric this week so stay tuned...maybe even some original art pieces. They seem to be calling out for me to let them go.

Blessings to each,

Absorbing it All

2008-05-14T08:03:00.013-04:00

Well, the last time I wrote here I was heading north to Hampton and then I seem to disappear didn't I?

I have a tendency to do that, to get overwhelmed with my day-to-day life and not wanting to share the stress, I become a hermit. I kept waiting for a calm morning that this time was slow in showing itself. Today we are having a slower morning, still one filled with division and adverbs (preparing for Olivia's 3rd grade test) but we are doing it all in a relaxed and gentle way, no rushing about; we are stopping to read a picture book about Matisse or make a catnip toy for the kitties. One thing falls into another. The sun is bright in the room and smiles are abundant. The word "glorious" is the first that comes to mind.

I really want to post about Art and Soul which seemed to go by in a colorful flash but I doubt I can put into words the experience and I was only there for two and a half days. How do the ladies who go for the five days process it all? I am amazed at the ones who do.

I think I took this photo before or after Vendor Night. I wanted to show my friend Katrina that I wore the knitted headband she made!

The first night there at the hotel was Vendor night. I loved seeing, and meeting in some cases, so many of the wonderful artists I admire. LK Ludwig, Carla Sonheim (Olivia gave me the task of purchasing something from her--her "favorite artist in the world") Stephanie Lee, Tracie Huskamp, Leighanna Light, Doris Arndt, and Michael Demeng. Conversations were brief as the room was packed with others wanting time at each artist's table. There were vendors I never even got to visit, not being willing to elbow my way in but I left there happy with three antique book illustrations, some gorgeous upholstery fabric in red and gold and a wonderful journal made by Carla Sonheim as my gift to Olivia. Friend and roomie Marni scored a lovely pair of earrings and other goodies.

LK's class ---a preview of her upcoming book about artist journals titled---True Visions-Authentic Art Journaling---was two days of learning and working on our journal pages. It was everything I thought it would be and she was as beautiful, gracious and inspiring as I imagined. Truly. The class atmosphere was relaxed and each person generous with their knowledge. In the class was a blog friend--Elizabeth Bunsen. I loved to watch her work-I love how she got lost in her art which was just as colorful as her much loved blog.

In the class we worked with metal mesh, stencil making, transfers (which I couldn't stop doing!) and stamp making. We did creativity exercises and wrote "found poems" and experimented with ways to make cool backgrounds. I could keep naming things-my mind was racing each night as I reviewed what I had learned in the day and how to use it in my journals/art.

We each had our own large table and as you can see I still spilled out onto the floor. Actually by the end of class I think we were all utilizing our floor space. I met another blogger--Lesley--a paper artist also in Virginia--she worked on the table nearest mine and we chatted as we worked. I loved our conversations!

One of the coolest things for me was that LK was the first mixed media artist whose work I felt a deep connection with. I recall seeing/ studying/ loving a page from her journal showing herself pregnant, birds surrounding her. In other pages she used photos of her children...Something clicked in me then...I journaled sometimes and I took lots of photos...I could combine them? and it was that very moment whole new worlds opened up to me.

Another highlight was seeing a glimpse of my own art in LK's book...just a sneak peek. I was giddy, just absolutely giddy inside. LK also read passages from her book as we worked...Wonderful stuff. You are going to want this book. Trust me. I couldn't get enough. July 1st! You can pre-order here.

Once back from Art and Soul I spent one full day outside. While at the retreat I did not venture out of the hotel much and woke up Tuesday morning feeling a strong need for sunshine and dirt. Olivia and I built fairy houses and planted seeds.

The rest of the week zipped by with school work and ballet practice each night to prepare for the big performance of Anastasia over the weekend. Here are some pics from the Sunday evening show. I was a proud mom on Mother's Day! Olivia seems to have found her heart's passion in ballet and nothing makes me happier than to watch her dance.

Olivia front row in blue--this is her as a "townsgirl".

Olivia is the squirrel on the left.

Olivia is the second from left.

The first photo is ShaLeigh Comerford as Rasputin and the last photo is Christina Page as Ananstasia .

From that night on until today I have been down with the yuckiest of all colds. Lots of noise coming from me and I don't like it, not one bit. So much sneezing and coughing! I am detemined though that today will be the last of it. There are too many wonderful things going on this time of year to be down for any length of time.

Hope all is well where you are.

Blessings

2008-05-03T07:21:00.003-04:00

Only minutes until I leave for Art and Soul to take a class taught by the amazing LK Ludwig. Hopefully I will have lots of photos, artwork and stories to share on my return.

A few photos to share before I take off:

I did this really fun thing and painted the suitcase I am using to hold my class supplies...and made an apron from a jacket hiding in the back of my closet...

and painted the fish I received in the mail. If I am not mistaken the art and soul-ers will display their fish together. Have a blessed weekend!

A good day

2008-04-24T09:00:00.006-04:00

"Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful."---William Morris

I am at the place in my life where I only want to be surrounded by things, thoughts and friendships that are nuturing and beneficial to me. This wasn't always the case. For years I lived as a pack rat. I saved old furniture I would "someday" restore, pre-Olivia clothes I hoped to squeeze into again. I also had a sizeable collection of past memories and hurts that sat dusty and heavy on my mind's shelves. Art and art journaling have been my main tools in the sorting and clearing of thoughts that don't serve for my greater good but cleaning out clutter from deep within cabinets and from the corners of closets has also been a sort of spiritual awakening. If an object doesn't resonate with who I am it has to leave. I never dreamed of how good this would feel. Who knew! I was floored. If only I had done this years ago.

The book where I first encountered this concept was Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach and I find myself turning to it's pages at least once a week for a tidbit of wisdom to get my feet back on the path when I stray for stray I always do.

For some reason I seem to spot this book frequently at thrift stores. I never buy the copies but I should and pass them around to friends and strangers alike. Everyone needs this book... Is there a book you feel this way about? I'd love to hear about it.

It was a grey day here on Tuesday and as I searched for cheer and color around the house my eyes settled on the opposite-shelves of dark old cameras. Twenty or so. They had been housed for years behind glass doors, untouched except for the Brownie I use to do the TTVF technique. It was with a twinge of sadness that I realized I no longer really loved the cameras. Not really. Not like I used too. I found myself fighting the feeling. Of course I love them I told myself. "They are your collection. They are part of you. You have been lugging them from place to place since you were a teen, " I said.

As I was taking them in turn down from the shelves a thought, clear as a bell, rang in my head. Now that they are leaving I am opening the door for something new, something more in line with where I am today. Cool. I wonder what it will be....

And then...guess what? Something arrived the same day!

Books.

Art books!

Given to my husband by someone who was cleaning out her own house. How about that! She remembered hearing once that I liked art. I squealed. Olivia squealed. We spent hours flipping through the pages and talking about life and the beauty of giving.

It was a good day.

Earth Day

2008-04-20T11:31:00.003-04:00

Today we are off to an Earth Day celebration.
Tonight I am going to be working on an apron (pattern here)
or maybe something for Inspire Me Thursday's wonderful theme this week- Reduce Reuse Recycle.

I wish you a lovely inspired day!

Illustration Friday--Fail

2008-04-14T11:13:00.005-04:00

Inspiration-A failed relationship.

It actually all started with the through-the-viewfinder photograph of our dining room chair. Then thoughts of loneliness and an imagined character, Junius, started creeping in. He is missing Josephine who used to sit there by the window and he writes her a letter, reminiscing...

There are 2 versions. I couldn't decide on whether having the folds of her dress added to the piece or not. Which do you prefer?

Exhibition 36---!

2008-04-10T09:53:00.009-04:00

Congrats to Susan Tuttle!!!!
I am doing a happy dance for her right now!
Susan is an especially wonderful creative soul who is seeing all of her hard work pay off---I love that. I love passion and seeing people do what they love. Isn't that a beautiful joyous thing?
Now available for pre-order is Susan's book.
I am excited about this book for many reasons, the first being that it just sounds incredible.
I visited her blog this morning and then visited some of the artists she has linked to in her post about Exhibition 36 and found a wealth of inspiration there in those few minutes so I can only imagine the creativity the book itself will inspire.
The second reason I am excited---see on the cover-there in the left hand corner, see that little girl---she is from a transparency piece I created. I tear up sometimes when I look at her--I feel such a connection to that dear soul, whoever she was. I found the image in an antique store but I think I will claim her as one of my own.

Susan, I feel more blessed than I have words to describe to be included in this book. Thank you dear friend.

Yesterday I played around shooting with my digital camera through the viewfinder of a second camera. It is SO fun--I think you should run to your camera/cameras and try this right away. :)

You can learn about the TTVF technique here.

There is a handy contraption you can create to avoid glares and I would recommend making one or something similar. I haven't done that yet which is probably one of the reasons I ended up with only one shot that was a keeper. Oh well. I had fun and that's the most important thing. More and more I am trying to focus on the truth about the joy being in the process of creating and not so much in the end result. Sometimes that's a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around and other times it's so clear. Funny how that is.

Funny how life is. How wonderful!

update---added another TTVF shot---not so happy to be interrupted from her dancing to pose as you can see from the expression.

Travelling Shoes

2008-04-07T12:07:00.006-04:00

We went out for a walk in the Grandin area on Friday, celebrating birthdays and one another. The weather was wonderful with a touch of chill and we strolled down streets I hadn't been down in years, not since I before I was married and I had an apartment there.
One song kept circling in my head, escaping my lips every now and then. The Littlest Birds Sing the Prettiest Songs. Do you know it?
These lines especially--
You pass through places
And places pass through you
But you carry them with you
On the soles of your travelling shoes.
Oh, how I love love love that song!

So many memories in that part of town. Kelly and I walked down Bluemont holding hands, Olivia skipping down the sidewalk in front of us. She is always happiest when we three are together.
The last time Kelly and I had been there like that was before marriage, before thoughts of having a child. It was a surreal feeling tracing those same steps as I am now. So many changes in my life, so much to be grateful for and I was moved to skip a little myself.

There is a great little pizza place near the theater and a chic consignment boutique, a cemetery with lovely trees in blossom. We visited them all. I have visions of moving back here, part of my heart is still here. We looked at a few houses on Sunday that are for sale. One had this lovely attic space that would be perfect for an art studio.....

The absence of art being posted here saddens me if I think on it. The writing of Able's story has changed the way I spend my time each day but there are projects in the works.
There is a series of 4 pieces I am painting of Olivia, still in the early stages...
and I just finished up a submission for Somerset, for their Halloween theme challenge. Here are four closeup pics. All great fun to think of Halloween and creepy things that go bump in the night when I am also thinking of spring and budding leaves and sunshine.

Blessings,

2008-03-18T10:16:00.005-04:00

showing me her ballet feet

This morning my daughter Olivia gave me the sweetest of all good morning kisses, just before she squeezed me tight and said, "Oh Mimi, I love you like the morning light."

She knows just when I need a hug, she reads my every mood like a fortuneteller. She hasn't called me Mimi in a while. Did she know it would be like the softest lullaby to my ears? Mimi was what she called me when she was first talking, having trouble with the words Mom or Mama. I took on the name and loved it. (I have never liked the name Tricia) Mimi stuck and for a while it was all I was called by others as well, my mom, my husband, my stepdaughter all called me Mimi. I grew to think of myself as Mimi and then gradually I was Mom, and then Mama and only Mimi on occasion.

Sometimes I miss that, sometimes I have difficulty with change, with her growing up. I want to hold on to everything.

I am learning to let go.

Ahhh...but Olivia, she is a sweet soul. Sometimes she is the teacher and I am the student. That is just the way of all children I am told.

2008-03-16T18:51:00.005-04:00

Last Monday Olivia and I had the good fortune (thanks to my dear friend Kim) to be in the group who participated in a talk via satellite with Robert Swan in Antartica! He was so incredibly inspirational --my new HERO!--and we left with a deeper knowledge of renewable energy and even more ways we can help save the Earth. Go Robert! You can learn about him and the rest of the team here.
After the talk we went for a walk in our downtown area, soaking up the sun, and the beauty of the day.

You can always tell when I am hard at work on the fiction writing. I am absent here in blogland when I am present there. I don't seem to be able to juggle both and I am just getting that it's ok. I have entered into chapter 12 --somewhere around the halfway point---and feel the weight of the project's enormity and my inexperience. At times it seems the smartest thing to do would be to give up on the whole idea and then I remind myself of how far I come...oh, but look at how far is left to travel, how much still to learn, I counter. Back and forth I go with this.

So, thank you for continuing to visit here and thank you for being understanding of the absense.

I look forward to some time this week when I can visit with you and see all the creative things you have been up to...

xoxo,

2008-03-16T18:17:00.006-04:00

The Journey
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally
knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew
what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Stuck in bed with a case of the yuckies, I had a sketchbook, watercolors, and a poem for inspiration.

This drawing is for my friend J. as she takes that first step on her new adventure.

Unexpected Magic

2008-02-24T23:16:00.004-04:00

They were thin dark brown pods in the spot of land behind my grandmother’s, just at the base of the mountain. I almost walked by without spotting them. Dad said he thought they were some sort of milk weed. I disagreed though only silently and made a note to research the correct name online when we got home. I picked a handful and placed them on the front seat of the car, imagining rows of small brown beans inside lined up like peas or eggs in a carton.
Much to my delight I was wrong.
Somewhere along the beginning of our long drive home, I noticed several dainty white fluffs floating, maybe more like dancing, around near the windshield, swept up by the current of blowing heat from the vent. I pointed these out to Olivia, explaining that one of our mystery pods had burst, releasing the seeds. To a tired but giggling Olivia they were pale and graceful fairies, not anything as common as a seed. How could I not see that? Then the three or four fluffs became too many to count as I poked at that pod and then another.
They were like unexpected snow flakes, falling fat and round but not cold, then they were like large dandelion threads, blowing around in that split second after making a wish.
Only one thing I knew with certainty. In the moment of driving that old road traveled many times before, (sometimes with a smile, sometimes with tears), I knew that an unspoken, barely known wish had indeed been granted and I found myself humbly giving thanks for the splendor and magic of the mystery pod....now known as hemp dogbane.

A few more photos from our day.

A few images from the past week...

2008-02-23T22:11:00.007-04:00

Last Saturday the altered art group that meets at a local library here in Roanoke had an art show. It was a special time for me as each woman who had art hanging there is a unique wonderful soul that I enjoy spending time with and learning from. There was an inspiring variety of styles and it gave me such a strong feeling of community to look over and see my pieces hanging there alongside the amazing art that these ladies have produced. I did manage to get a shot of the piece I posted close-ups to a few posts back. It is 12x12 and called--"girlfriends." Also shown is a shot of the last minute adjustments before folks started arriving. Not shown is the table of altered books, the display case of jewelry and pottery. I will have to do a better job with the photos in May when we do this again at another local library. I was also not so good at keeping my bum in a chair and demonstrating how to start an altered book....I kept wandering around, chatting and watching everyone else demonstrate. Ooops...sorry ladies!

The COLLAGE sign beginnings and endings:
The above photo is the start of a big project, or at least it is BIG in my mind-one of those crazy "hmmm, how can I pull that off, I don't have the faintest idea but I want to try kind of things." It will hopefully involve several altered books and other altered "things" and I will post about the progress along the way. My goal ---keeping my fingers crossed---is to work on it a little each day, somehow! ahh!, after working on Able's story and homeschooling....and exercising...and cooking...oh, and cleaning....and dreaming....yikes! How do we do it all? Anyone have the answers?
One good thing--I finally cleaned the art room over the weekend and made room for Olivia so we can get all messy and arty together. This should help cut down on the guilt I feel when I disappear to create.

Wishing you a creative Sunday.

Blessings,

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-13T13:09:00.003-04:00

Two, joyous and wild

beating, spinning, open hearts,

just happy to be.

Olivia and I danced all around the dining room as cookies baked in the oven. What a wonderful morning letting our imaginations lead us without plans! We can not get enough of the music of this man...

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Trying Something New

2008-02-13T12:54:00.004-04:00

Today we are trying out a new recipe. Rosemary-Citrus Cookies. Recipe here.

Girlfriends

2008-02-13T12:05:00.006-04:00

I am being a lazy girl still in my pj's and here it is 11:30! On a typical Wednesday morning Olivia has a science class but today it was cancelled due to the brush fires and power outages in our area. Our teacher, Anna, lives only a mile from the fire and days ago was evacuated from her home. I do not want to imagine how frightening that all must be but I cannot help but think of it what with her sweet home, new baby and all of her chickens that give us the beautiful eggs. So many we know are staying with relatives until things are under control again. My heart goes out to them all. And to the brave firefighters. Bless them. We have been among the fortunate that have been warm and safe in our homes. Was it my imagination this morning or could I smell the smoke? It was such an eirie sight on Monday to see the smoke on the mountains as we drove in the car running errands.

The above close-up pictures are from the piece from the last post. I adore the crackle. It was my first time using a crackling product and I have got to do more. If you haven't tried it---it was easy and fun.

I do believe I forgot to get a shot of the whole piece! So intent I was on the little things I could not see the big picture. Funny thing---I do that in my life sometimes.

Hope your day is a creative one!

Disposable

2008-02-08T17:49:00.000-04:00

using stir stick

Do you ever think of the waste in your life? Of the trash? I am hyper-aware these days of the things brought into our home, of the things leaving. We are recyclers, we just recently started composting and use cloth napkins in place of paper ones. And while these things are each commendable and good, it simply doesn’t feel like enough. There is so much more we can do. A clothesline, buying more local produce…I could go on and on.

What about this disposable tea cup on the table at my left as I sit here in Books-A-Million? (Olivia is enjoying herself at a Michaels’ home school craft class down the street.)
What about the paper sleeve used to keep my hand protected from the heat?
What about this pretty red stir stick? And to make it worse, I accidentally got two…

Just one month ago or maybe even days ago I would have tossed the whole lot into the trash can before leaving and not given it more than a passing thought. It is a small thing, a small cup. It is supposed to be disposable? What is the big deal? Today I cannot. Tears actually fill my eyes and I feel like a big ole baby as I sit here and think of the Earth and how we mistreat her every single day. I sit here with a couple arguing in whispers a few tables away. “Why do you always fuss…you just can’t get it together…maybe one day you will…why did you wait…so consumed…I don’t know….I don’t know…” The man is a person of few words and he listens as his pretty companion goes on and on. They are surrounded by a Valentine’s display but they are not feeling the love. I am drawn to them yet I tune them out. They have two paper cups and a newspaper.
A beautiful stooped elderly woman with a bun walks by the window. She reminds me of my great grandmother Abigail. Granny Abigail was a very poor woman who reused things out of necessity. The feed sack became a dress which became a shirt for her daughter which became at last a piece in a quilt. Nothing was taken for granted. I wish I could have her back for a moment and give her a hug for all the things she taught me.

A baby laughs. Cars zip by. A woman shouts, “thank you Jesus!” We are all connected. Wow. I mean WOW! Isn’t this huge? Do you feel the beauty of this fact sometimes? Does it make you feel strong and empowered and full of LOVE? Can you feel the connection with the ground beneath you and the sky above you? So each small change isn’t so small at all. I am now feeling as if it perfectly perfect that this small paper cup is a big deal.

Some artists make wonderful inspired creations from trash. I wonder can I? Have you done this? If you have will you share with me a link to your work?
Hmmm…Let’s look at this cup in a new way. The sleeve is my favorite with its bumpy texture and lovely deep shade of red. The end of the stir stick would make a nice small circle stamp…..
It feels good to change my thinking even in this small way. It makes me wonder what else is waiting for me today if I am open to it.

XO,

Remembering

2008-01-30T15:19:00.001-04:00

Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know), but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is. ---Neale Donald Walsch

We left this morning in a mad rush leaving my stocking hat forgotten by the door and I had in my haste put on the coat with the newly broken zipper. No problem as we were just headed to an indoor science class I thought. But when after class, two moms, K and N, suggested the park nearby I almost passed, thinking it too cold, we had too much still to do this day. Yet something told me to go.

And I am so glad I did for there is pleasure to be found in brisk air that awakens and clears the mind. (how is it that i so often forget this?) There was beauty waiting in the blue sky, in the children's laughter. I just had to open to it. The other moms noticed it too, the simple beauty of the afternoon.

Sometimes it just hits me how important our girlfriends are. One of the mommies, K, is facing a personal health journey of her own that is much more immediate than mine. She was diagnosed with lymphoma and begins chemo on Friday. Her posture was that of a warrior. I was/am so amazed at her. She was Sekhmet, the Goddess of Bravery today, with her hair shorn and ready for what awaits. I took a good long look at her today and at my other friend, the way their eyes were lit up with joy, the way they passed out encouraging words and there was never an end to the kindnesses. All of the saying about the treasure of friendship is true and I find myself at this moment being extremely grateful for each and every dear friend.

Blessings,

Catching Up

2008-01-29T14:18:00.000-04:00

I feel the need to apologize for the leaving the blog so long. You have been wonderful to keep checking in and I thank you from my heart's core.
Life changed for me in a big way on December 31st with a health issue, one that for the first day or so had me trembling and hiding under the covers. So many women get similar news every year and they live, I kept telling myself. But one thing I do not talk much about here on my blog is my absolute dedication to a natural way of life, one that involves using plants and food as our medicine. I hold tight to the belief that our thoughts create our reality.

Not a big surprise then how after meditating a few days into the new year I was overwhelmed with the rightness of the decision to treat my body, my spirit in the way I felt was best and it was for me personally, not through invasive type treatments. I have made some big life changes. I am back to being a vegetarian again. I am not consuming any processed foods or sugar (other than my weekly honey on sunday when I meet one of my best friends for tea---not caffeinated)

Yoga is a morning ritual now. Weekly lymphatic drainage massages, reiki sessions and my beloved essential oils are helping me on this path. Visualization and prayer have been my best friends. :)

I feel stronger and more in tune with my body and more connected to my soul than ever so truly all is well. I wake up each morning joyful for a new day. Eventually I will share some of my journaling here though I am a bit shy about now.

I can share though that I finished the first draft of "Able." Yay! Just accomplishing this of course thrills me. I have never written such a hefty amount and the weight of the pages feels good in my hand, Losing myself in Able's world, Virginia 1902, has been a blessing and I am having a ton of fun digging into the research part of the writing. This whole writing process is a fairly new experience for me but luckily there are many excellent books to keep one encouraged or to guide one along each step of the way.

This photo is of a corner in our bedroom. If I ever find myself with some writing time in the afternoon this is where I usually settle myself. The light is comforting here.

Blessings to each of you!

xo,

2007-12-26T09:49:00.000-04:00

On winter’s margin, see the small birds now

With half-forged memories come flocking home

To gardens famous for their charity.

The green globe’s broken;

vines like tangled veins

Hang at the entrance to the silent wood.---Mary Oliver

Did you receive my wishes for a wonderful Christmas? I did not make it to the computer but I whispered the blessings to you each time I passed in front of the computer on my way to wrap gifts, bake yet another batch of cookies and prepare for Santa.

Each Christmas Eve after the cookies and milk have been set out for Santa, after Olivia has written the thank note and just before the reading of Twas the Night, we settle down in front of the TV. Just for 20 something minutes to watch The Snowman. It is a tradition I will never give up- even when I am an empty-nester, I will pull out this movie on Christmas Eve. I just adore the film and my hubby does too. It is gentle and wonderful and oh so very very magical! With just a few words in the beginning, the music and illustrations carry you to a place where anything can happen. and isn' t that a wonderful place to be, especially for a child on Christmas Eve.

Did Santa bring your heart's desire?

One thing he so thoughfully brought me was 4 hours of uninterrupted art time. yes 4 whole hours! With just a smidgen of guilt, I accepted the gift, waded through the mounds of discarded wrapping paper and vanished in the evening, leaving my husband to figure out how to put together the hogwarts lego set. He is a darling! Do I ever mention how good he is to me?

Changes were made to a painting and a new one for our kitchen was begun and finished. The new kitchen piece titled offering was done on a 12 x 12 museum profile canvas (my first) and I adore the way the sides look all painted and well, like, professional, in the kitchen...now all I have to do is paint the kitchen ---benjamin moore, homestead green----and before that strip the old wallpaper that was here when we bought the house...ohhhh....I feel another project coming on!

can you see that in the first image i reworked the background and the image on her shirt is new? the painting was inspired by the seasons and the way that in winter we have faith that spring will come....

blessings for a wonderful peace-filled new year!

xoxo,

today i am singing...

2007-12-21T16:56:00.000-04:00

isn't it a wonderful feeling to be back on your feet after weeks of feeling yucky? don't even the smallest things seem grand?

for a week headaches and dizziness and this horrible nausea were my daily companions. just one day, out of the blue i was sick. but not any more...today is day four of feeling better. thankfully.

i actually broke down and went to see a medical doctor and for those who know me know that i have a doctor fear. i was afraid that something was really wrong with me. i gave quite a few friends a fright...a lot of sobbing over this illness, whatever it was. the blood work came back all ok. hmmm?

i am just glad to be back on track.

i even tried painting last night, deciding to temporarily abandon the laptop and able's story. it had been a while and sadly, i felt like a stranger in my art room.

i decided to start simply and with a journal page, feeling as if i am still searching for a painting style that suits me and being pretty ok with that. it is all a wonderful adventure after all...perhaps more time with my paints is what i need.

i hope you all out there are doing well and are creating happily and not rushing about.

well, my dirty house needs cleaning....

oh wait...i almost forgot!---why am i going around the house acting silly and singing?

silly me---i do have news. months ago i sent in five pieces to somerset studio magazine for their "green" challenge. today in the mail i received the january issue and all five were there! this is my first time in somerset studio...yay! here are some pics of the art...

i am amazed at how wonderfully the photographers presented the pieces. thank you somerset!

It All Seems SO Fragile

2007-12-06T10:10:00.001-04:00

I have been absent here more than I want to be. In the photo above I am sending all of you guys LOVE. I am thankful to anyone who stops here for a visit.

I don't want to see the Internet as an energy drainer but maybe it is for me right now. Just for a little while. See, here's the I thing---I am afraid.

If I log on to blog, maybe even do a little blog visiting while I am at it then I may not write the other thing. The other thing that means the world to me and that other thing being the telling of the story of a girl named Able. (I mentioned this project a few posts back.)

Everything about this project seems so fragile to me.

What if I run out of time? If I blog will I use up all of my creative energy? Is this even possible? Maybe it is like love and just keeps growing.

Also it's as if I think I have only so many words I am allowed to write per day and I need to save them for her story.

I am funny this way and will try to work past it all.

So, not only am I consumed with reading everything I can get my hands on about writing fiction, I am spending any extra ME time with laptop perched on lap, writing away, praying with all of my heart that I can translate the characters in my head into words and that this story is worth telling. Well, I shouldn't write that. I know it is worth it to me because I am enjoying it so very much. The world of fiction, of make believe, of magic. I am addicted to this character, to her story and I am anxious to share more with you. Soon, I hope.

I am working through the first draft now. I am going through to the end. That is my mission. :)Last night I checked my word count and I was at 20, 000 words! Yay! I did a little shout for joy. This is already a record for me. I am on chapter 7...I think there will be around 21 chapters or so...

I hope everyone is well and being creative.

Blessings,

Diana Knew Things

2007-11-15T21:22:00.000-04:00

Diana knew

...."the shelter of the forests, comfort of the grass, music of the birds...shadows of clouds that swiftly pass..."---Henry Van Dyke

I have decided to put "Diana" up for sale on Etsy in the hopes she will find a good home. :) Plus I just signed up for an Art and Soul class in Hampton, Virginia and I have made it my goal to fund the trip with my art sales. That should keep me busy!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Blessings,

p.s. anyone else going to art and soul?

2007-11-09T11:16:00.000-04:00

unfinished----acrylic on really big piece of duck cloth :)

Today I have 2 and a half hours to myself, Olivia being at a homeschool art class and my husband at work.

What to do with all this time for it seems like a lot to me? Olivia and I are always together, "Two Peas in a Pod" she says. I love how we are those two peas. Oh how I cherish that fact, but this alone time is cherished also. I know you understand. You are an artist too.

Hmmm...what to do?

Yoga video?

Write a page or two more on Able's story?(I made it to my 10,000 word goal early this morning! yay!) maybe I should celebrate.

Play with paints? maybe finish something?

Or make a journal from paper bags. (LOVE the cool tutorial Judy Wise has posted!---you have to check it out-----scroll down her page a bit...)

Maybe simply daydream...I don't do enough of that, do you?

Aren't the possibilities just endless and amazing?

Isn't life the grandest adventure?

What will you do with your day?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"-----Mary Oliver

Sliced Ginger, Pumpkins and More...

2007-11-07T14:26:00.000-04:00

Some days I just love being in the kitchen.

Today I have been chopping and slicing, boiling and baking since eight this morning. And for no other reason save the fact that I thought it would be fun. Plus the kitchen would get all lovely and warm and if you have an ancient drafty house you know how to cherish heat.

Not much cleaning has been done though, so you can imagine my mountain of domestic-ness. I am saving the cleaning for after. After posting. After...well, just after. The cleaning part is my least favorite of the parts.

One part I really enjoy is the food gathering part--the part where say, you might go to the pumpkin patch with good friends and chose a pumpkin...

...bring it home and after enjoying the beauty of it's color and shape for a few days cut it up and bake it...recognizing the smells of the baking pumpkin from years past...

Wash and dry the seeds. Save some for your own garden next year but roast the rest with oil and salt. Yummy! After the pumpkin is all nice and soft you might puree it with a little water into a pretty mash and make muffins with a crispy streusel topping.

Also made today: Homemade ginger ale. Shrimp tortilla soup for tonight's meal. Black beans and rice for tomorrows dinner (we have a crazy rushed day and won't be home til evening tomorrow---unusual for me, this thinking ahead, but I like it!) and cheese and tomato paninis for today's lunch---I added dijon mustard to mine. Oh my, was it good!

Hope you enjoy the recipes!

I am off to clean.....

xoxo,

A Message

2007-11-05T15:20:00.000-04:00

"Think in ways you've never thought before

If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message

Larger than anything you've ever heard,

Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats."

---Robert Bly